Friday, October 15, 2010

finding "the one" & not giving up hope.

i am 22 years old now. this means that most of my friends, acquaintances, and peers are on their search for...THE ONE. they may be in a relationship trying to figure out if it's the right person, ending a relationship because they know it's not, in a relationship trying to lock down that ring, contemplating buying a ring, riding solo and checking out options, or single and searching hardcore. even though it's all different...the ultimate goal is the same.

i enjoy hearing my friends' various takes on this task. some of them want to be "independent". some of them want a companion more than anything. some of them want someone who's going to cater to their every whim. some of them will want a pre-nup. some of them say they want a serious relationship, but their actions prove otherwise. it's all quite interesting.

my history of relationships is a rather rocky road. the only way it has ended up so wonderful is because of God's grace alone. in the past i have made horrible decisions, hurt people, allowed myself to get hurt, and lost my way. i really am in no position to give "advice" besides  the fact that i've been through it. but i will give one word of wisdom to those who are seriously wanting that person who was made for you.

don't give up hope.

if anyone should have given up on having the right, God honoring relationship it was me. i was that girl who always had a different guy with her at functions because i couldn't hold onto a relationship. but that's what i was doing.."holding on". that's not how it should be! i was following my plans instead of making my desires God's desires. when you are connected with "the one" He has made for you, it will be evident! it will be like nothing else in the world! i promise.

yeah yeah i know what you're thinking because you've heard it all before. i had too when i was in destructive relationships and i thought, "well then what am i doing wrong? what is wrong with me?" but it was right in front of my eyes. i was doing it to myself. my plans were AWFUL. i wanted to be treated like my dad treats my mom. adored like my best friend's husband adores her. centered around Christ. i definitely didn't know how to center it on Christ. thought i did. but not at all.

in January, yes this past January, i experienced yet another breakup. i even texted my friends and said something like: "i got dumped again. i don't want to talk about it yet, but you know i'll talk about it later." that's how used to it i was. i hated telling people whenever a relationship was over. a couple weeks later, i was riding in the car with my mom, and she asked me if i had any male prospects on the horizon. i quickly answered "um, no." because of course i didn't. i didn't really want anything to do with that gender at the time. i thought about it for a minute though, and then said to her, "if i was going to date anybody it would have to be someone like Jordan Shelley, and that definitely isn't going to happen." i didn't know what i was saying. i didn't have hope at that point. but God was about to teach me how amazingly sovereign He truly is by unleashing His awesome master plan on me. i can only imagine God looking at His beloved daughter who has made so many mistakes and saying, "you just wait, my child. I am about to blow your mind."

a couple months later and i get in event invite on facebook to a "Mr. Engineer Pageant". it was from Jordan. it wasn't a special invite or anything, he invited pretty much all of his friends. we weren't very close besides having mutual friends and we had hung out in groups a few times in the previous months. it sounded interesting, (i mean of course a pageant for guys sounds good haha) so i did what i normally do. i called Maggie and said let's go. of course she was in. when we got there i didn't see anybody i knew yet, so we took our seats in the second row. when Jordan eventually came on stage and sang, i looked at Maggie and i said, and i quote, "I want him." Maggie then said, "you will marry him." haha no she didn't actually say that she probably just laughed at me because i wasn't truly serious. but yes i did want him.

after that, i got to be around Jordan a few more times in group settings, he wanted info on Hurricanes tickets so he started texting me. (even though he could have looked up the same info on the website but i didn't think about that at the time..) we never stopped talking. a day has not gone by without us texting since that time. a month or so later of letting God work in mysterious ways and finally a date, and i was smitten. when i learned that he enjoys producing excellent music videos just as i do, i was head over heels. try not to fall in love with him when you watch this video.

again though, i didn't want to get my hopes up. i don't get my hopes up about anything usually, it's just how i am. getting a good grade, the Sox winning, NC State ever being great again at sports, people being able to hang out with me, and especially relationships, i just don't get my hopes up. it's easier that way.

but with the Maker of the universe and the Almighty Sovereign Lord as my Savior..why shouldn't i have hope? that's being selfish and prideful of me to not have faith that He has the best for me. because He does! He promises that! if didn't have hope..then i was just setting myself up for another failed relationship. which very well could have happened. but by God's grace, and with His guidance, and how He had prepared Jordan for our relationship, that didn't happen. i will tell all about that at a later time.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, isn't it awesome that we don't have to settle? we don't have to be content with our own little plans? God's plans are infinitely greater and more creative than any of our dreams! and this all means that we can always, always have hope.

let Him blow your mind.


  1. Ashley, thanks for sharing! :) I am so proud to call you my friend and SO grateful for all God is doing in your life. I appreciate the encouragement and I am BEYOND excited for you and Jordan and all God has in store. :)

  2. i like your blog! my heart is so happy for you and Jordan. God is so gracious, is He not? :) keep writing. glad that i found this!

  3. Hi Ashley, I wonder all the time why i haven't met "the one" yet. I pray all the time i find someone who loves God and his family as much as i do! It's so easy to lose hope but i will continue to pray and hope that i meet someone great that God has for me! :)

  4. This post was just what I needed! I haven't been trusting God that he does have the best for me, and have been in bad relationships because I couldn't wait! My bf and I just broke up two months ago and the Lord put this amazing christian guy in my life who is basically the christian version of my ex! I just think that's amazing. I'm still waiting for the right time to date this guy, but I already see God's amazing plan in my life unfold. He really does want the best for us, and I want to start believing that. I also think the Lord wants me to prepare to be a christian wife while i'm still single! He is sooo good! I really appreciate your blog! Keep writing :)

  5. I was not brought up with God. In my family no one reads the bible nor goes to Church. I have recently started reading a bible I bought some time ago and it's incredible the feeling of peace I get from reading God's word. I want to hope too. I know God has a plan for me. I have to have faith and trust in Him. I hope one day I will find my equal partner in life, God willing. I wish you and your husband continued happiness together :)



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