Thursday, October 28, 2010

so long, insecurity. part 2.

a significant loss.
this is huge. loss can change your life in a second. in a phone call. it can change everything you know. it can change people, families. every single person deals with it at some point. i have not experienced much loss in my life. until this year i did not lose anyone really close to me or in my family. i even knew that it would be hard for me. i had told my friends and Jordan that i had no idea how i would handle it when one of my grandparents finally goes home to heaven. i thought that would be my first loss. i was wrong.

most people who know me know about the tragedy my family experienced this past summer. when my cousin Ben died, it was heart wrenching. the thought of the situation and how everything happened made it hard to breathe. it still does. it's hard for me to even think about and especially talk about. i usually ignore it. that is where my insecurity comes in. i have to trust in God enough to let Him help me deal with the feelings and emotions that have come from this loss. even if it's crying out to Him saying why?? how could it happen this way? how will my family ever be the same? i have been too insecure to even cry out to Him. to ask Him the questions that He already knows are in my heart. the questions that have built up bitterness and resentment towards His will inside me. you may have the same questions in your heart concerning a loss. David cried out to God with questions like those constantly in Psalms. in Psalm 13, he goes from asking him questions that it would be hard for me to ask God, to thanking Him.
 
 1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
       How long will you hide your face from me?  2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
       and every day have sorrow in my heart?
       How long will my enemy triumph over me?
 3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
       Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
 4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
       and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
 5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
       my heart rejoices in your salvation.
 6 I will sing to the LORD,
       for he has been good to me.
 
that comforts me. the questions may not have answers but it helps just to cry out. i am learning this and trying to deal with it God's way - giving it over to Him and not ignoring it or trying to be numb to it. being secure in the promise that He will give me the peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7) and i know it's about to get a lot harder with the holidays coming up, but God is my strength in weakness. and in insecurity.



dramatic change.
 
this has been the main cause of my insecurity lately. you already know that i don't like change. and these days my life is all about change. i moved back to my house, which is quite strange after four years of not living there. Blake moved out and went to college. my best friend got married. i'm going to graduate college. i retired from Storm Squad. i got ENGAGED. it's all so craaaazy! life is so different. and it's taking its toll on me in different ways.

you may think i'm nervous about planning a wedding. yeah that is kinda nerve wracking. but what is scary is preparing for marriage. when i think about becoming a wife, i want to be the best one ever. especially because i'm marrying, in my eyes, the best man ever. so this makes me anxious and yes, insecure. i know it shouldn't, i know i should just give it over to God, but that is easier said than done. i'm working on it. i just feel like there are so many things i need to learn and improve on! i guess that's how it will always be. but i need to learn how to cook better. to iron better. to manage money better. to communicate better. the list goes on and on. thankfully i have an awesome mother and a wonderful future mother-in-law as examples for me. and most importantly, i need to learn how to respect and submit to my husband, treating him exactly how God planned marriage to be.


i think the change that has made me the most insecure lately is that i have quit Storm Squad (SSQ). this may sound ridiculous, and when i really think about it it seems ridiculous to me too. but i did not realize how much security i found in being a SSQ member. when i think about it though, my initial motives for trying out were not all that great. i mean some of them were - i love to work with kids, i love the Canes, i love sports, i love people, i love smiling, etc. so that was a good fit. but i also had ugly motives - i wanted to be "successful", i wanted to have not peaked in high school, i wanted to show certain people that i could do it, and i really wanted to impress a guy. yes, a guy. i thought if i made SSQ, surely he would never want another girl! hahah yes it is stupid. and no it didn't work. 
 
now i'm not saying it was a bad thing for me to be on SSQ. God used it as a ministry and He used it to make me grow in so many ways. i met the most wonderful people and will always have my Canes family. i wouldn't change any of it. but i did let it get to my head and ended up putting too much priority on it. and i know that if i hadn't done that, then it wouldn't have become my security. but i did and it did. i'm not gonna lie, it's a good feeling to have your own month on a calendar. and to have people want your autograph. and constantly give you compliments and want to talk to you. and to treat you like you're some famous person sometimes. but i relied on all of that for my confidence wayyy too much! but didn't realize it until it's been gone. now that i think about it, it's kind of a relief to have most of my confidence stripped away, because that's when i truly get on my knees and point to Christ. which is what i should have been doing more of all along. and i'm sorry i didn't. all glory and honor goes to Him. and that is what should make me secure - that i am a tool for His glory. not that someone wants my autograph.


 
so now what?
okay so i've figured out my main insecurities (although there are many more, most of them stem from those core sources). now what do i do? what i'm learning to do is immerse myself in the Word. more. always more. and when i keep wanting more, my desire for it keeps growing! it's an amazing and wonderful thing. i am surrounding myself with people and things that are uplifting. those movies or songs that are degrading to women? no thanks. books or shows that promote an "all about me" lifestyle? noooo. people who are constantly talking about others and comparing themselves? shut your mouth when you're talking to me. i don't want any of it. i just want my identity in Jesus! this is going to be a process and a journey. and i will let you know how it goes. until then...i am His beautiful daughter & that is all i need to know!

"I will praise You, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." -Psalm 139:14

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

so long, insecurity. part 1.

if you recognize the title, you have either read or heard of Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity. i have been reading this lately and i am about halfway through. it is like God told Beth Moore to write this book for me because it has been exactly what i've needed at this time. let me explain.

i have dealt with insecurity, well, my whole life i suppose. sometimes pretty bad cases of it. at certain times it has hindered productivity in every area of my life - spiritual, physical, relational. pretty scary. does this surprise you? i have a feeling it would surprise most people who are not extremely close to me. i mean everyone deals with this to a certain degree and in different ways. but i think people forget that sometimes. we look at a person and think that their life is a comfortable and happy stroll, when in reality everyone, and i mean that literally - everyone, is facing some sort of battle that the outside world knows nothing about. i think that is my main motivation to be a teacher/coach/guidance counselor/whatever God wants me to be. i have a specific sensitivity and compassion for this topic.

on top of insecurity, i do not like to talk about my "problems" to other people. and i put problems in quotation marks because this is my line of thought: is my "problem" really a problem compared to what others face? are my feelings really legitimate? even now as i am typing this, i am thinking, well people are going to read this and think that i believe my issues are bigger deals than theirs and think i'm whining. it's like i can't make it go away! i know that people care about me but i haaaate complaining! i don't even like talking about problems to God, the One who is always there and wants me to come to Him with everything. that is why this is an issue for me. Beth Moore says in the book, "If it is translated as something huge to your heart, it is huge to God on your behalf." Jordan has been helping me with this and it is something i am working on because it goes hand in hand with my insecurity. so just typing this for people to read is a big step and actually helping me in the process. even if no one reads it. 

i know what you're thinking - give me specifics. tell me how you are insecure. well as hard as that is, i will do that. only because if it helps ONE person then i have accomplished God's purpose in me writing this. i am kinda laughing to myself right now because i have a feeling this may end up being pretty long. but here it goes. i will try to categorize my insecurities the same way that Beth Moore has separated them in the book. 

rejection.
this has been my main relationship insecurity. not being wanted. not being loved. not in the right way at least. i have felt very wanted in the wrong way, which may feel good for a moment, but then actually makes me feel even worse about myself. this is another thing that i don't think many people realize - when a girl is constantly wanted in the wrong way, she will believe that it is the normal way. she will estimate her value and worth by that way. this is a lie from the devil himself! flee from that kind of acceptance and desire because it is not real love, that is for sure. i see so many girls using their sensuality and attractiveness to feed their worth, but it doesn't suffice. it never will. it is like air puffing them up with no substance. only God can fill you up when you find your identity in Him.

rejection from guys has caused me to do some pretty crazy things that make me cringe when i think about them. which has also led to guys doing some pretty crazy things. all because i have been insecure. the period of time from when i first got dumped after my junior year of high school to this past January has been full to the brim of rejection insecurity. i am so thankful that i have a great home and family who love me and show me they love me, because if i hadn't, oh my word i would be a wreck. thank God i've only experienced it with guys. so i have a huge amount of compassion for anyone who has experienced rejection in their home life. this has caused me to make many bad decisions in relationships, and i hate the fact that i have hurt people because of it. by God's grace He has given me a man who loves me for who i am and values me because i am a daughter of the King, and i thank Him for that multiple times a day. no, i cannot get my worth from Jordan, but God has used him to point me to Himself and what God thinks of me. and He thinks that i am fabulous and will never reject me! what a promise!


well i don't want this to get too extensive for one post. but the next two categories will be significant loss and dramatic change. that will be included in Part 2, if you would like to return to read that tomorrow. for now i will leave you with another quote from the book:

"Let Him bring you peace. Let Him tell you you're worth wanting, loving, even liking, pursuing, fighting for, and yes, beloved, keeping. Whatever you do, don't reject the only One wholly incapable of rejecting you."


"I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God." -Isaiah 41:9-10

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

what we have been up to as of late.

so, it's another day, another week, but life just got a lot more busy due to the fact that basketball season started today. we had JV & varsity girls tryouts day 1, and the gym felt like home. it was so great to see everyone who returned, and to see fresh faces whom i am excited to meet. i am also pumped that Jordan will be helping the JV boys head coach Chris Underwood. :) i think they will do a spectacular job. the first home games are Tuesday, November 16. so be there.

our engagement party a couple weekends ago went wonderfully. we have the best friends and family and they are all so fun. i'm glad that many of them were able to meet each other, although i wish there could have been more interaction between my friends and Jordan's friends. but there will be more opportunity for that. the Browns and the Stricklands were so kind to help my parents with the food and such, and we were so glad that Jordan's family could come from out of town. there was Wii and cornhole, and some awesome Mario Kart decorations. Peach and Mario represent me and Jordan quite nicely. except i'm not usually stolen and he doesn't usually have to come find me in castles. not yet at least.





this past weekend we were able to go to Greensboro, aka "G-Boro", where many g's reside. it was a jolly good time and i was sad when we had to leave. on Friday we went to Jordan's grandparents' wienie roast and spent some quality time with his family. Jordan has 10 month old triplet cousins who are always highly entertaining for everyone, and even more fun to watch when Jordan is interacting with them. he is such a kid. another reason why i love him. it is great being around his family because they are so loving and easy to talk to. i am so blessed to get to be a Shelley in a few months. :)



then we went to Jordan's friends' bonfire and that was great because we got to ride fourwheelers! i love riding fourwheelers but hardly ever do. yes, we were wearing helmets, mother, i know that is what you are wondering. so it was the three best friends (Jordan, Dillon, Patrick) with their three women (me, Sara, Lindsay) riding through the woods and amongst the cows in the light of the full moon. awesome. i would partake in that every night if i could. we then made smores and laughed our heads off at Jordan's friends, because they are pretty much the funniest people ever.

Friday night i spent the night with Jordan's sister Anna in her room which was quite the treat. although we did not actually sleep until the wee hours of the morning, i now know many, many hilarious stories about Jordan and his family, and some interesting views that Anna has about waking up from a dream and such. ;) Saturday was spent at my cousin Harleigh's third birthday and seeing the Brady and Scott families which was sweeeeeet! i got to hold baby Boston for quite a while. yes i have a cousin named Boston. yes i am jealous of this name. then we watched Anna win her final soccer game of the season (yeahh #2!) and ate a delicious meal that Mrs. Kim had prepared. we spent the rest of the night watching home videos which i LOVE. i never turn down an opportunity to watch home videos. they're the best. Sunday was spent at Shannon Hills Bible Chapel worshiping our Lord, and then eating at the Shelley home again. 


so obviously, this was an excellent set of weekends. (haha every time i think of the word "obviously" what immediately pops into my head is "well, obviously, we have a rapist in lincoln park, he's climbing in yo windows..") we are always so busy and have so many people we need to spend time with and i love it. God has truly blessed us. i wish we could see all the G-Boro people more often but i am thankful for the time that we do have.


wedding planning. there has definitely been some of that going on. we do have our wedding website, so you can look at that for all the info that you are just dying to know! haha. most of the save the dates are out, which is a relief. my bridesmaid dresses are picked and hopefully ordered by now, or if not then soon please, haha. my flowergirls are going to look adorable in their dresses. so i am excited about all of this. still there is much much much left to do. i'm just ready for March 19 so i can be with my mannn! i will leave you with this number that is getting less and less: 145 days. yessssss.


"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever." -1 Chronicles 16:34

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Josh Hamilton.



if you have turned on a tv this month you have heard/seen this name. you've heard people talk about him. maybe you saw him hit 28 home runs in one round of the home run derby in 2008. in the world of baseball he is a household name.

yes, i am biased, because he is in my dad's side of the family. i grew up watching him play at West Raleigh and at Athens Drive High School. i remember how excited my family was when he was the number one draft pick at age 18. i didn't really understand what was going on back then, i just thought he had won something cool, and i got a few signed baseballs, a t-shirt, and a few bobbleheads out of it. and yeah it ended up being pretty cool haha. it's an awesome thing. but that is not why I write this. that is not what is important. actually, his home runs aren't important. the Rangers' playoff run and wins are not important. not compared to what really matters.

“This isn't really about baseball.” - Josh Hamilton

no, it's not really about baseball. what really matters is that his story is an incredible picture of God's grace and mercy. it is a reminder that anyone..anyone..can be redeemed by our Savior Jesus Christ! if you don't know Josh's story, i'm not going to try and explain the whole thing right now, but he talks about it in the video below, and i will guide you to this article. if you haven't read his book Beyond Belief, it is an encouraging and inspirational must read.


even when Josh hit rock bottom, deep in drug and alcohol addiction, God picked him up and washed him clean. ONLY God's power can make a change like that. no it's not easy, and yes, he's had struggles and made mistakes since then, but he has been made new in the Lord. he has been used to reach so many people for Christ, and this is the reason i rejoice! yes, his home runs make me happy, but the way that God uses him as a witness and an inspiration is what is INCREDIBLE! because winning souls for Christ is the most important thing.

Josh's story makes me think about the fact that no one is out of God's reach. i am guilty of making judgments and thinking in the back of my head that certain people will never change their ways. this is an awful mindset. i'm thankful that God has changed me and continues to change me every day. if He can change me, and Josh, and countless other believers, then Christ can change anyone.

i cannot give up on my loved ones who do not know Christ. i cannot give up on strangers who do not know Christ. the power of the Holy Spirit is in me, and I am going to USE it. God gives gifts and skills for a reason, and that reason is His glory. i may not be able to hit 28 home runs, or even one for that matter (i was always more of a bunter), but i can talk to people about Christ. i can give Him the glory for everything. i can always give people a chance, and show them God's love no matter what. Josh's story encourages me to do this and i hope it will help you too. i need you to help hold me to this responsibility that God has given us, to glorify Him and point others to his redeeming love and grace!

wherever you are in your walk with God, or even if you don't have a relationship with Him at all, He is waiting for you with open arms. He longs to transform your life. we are all sinners, no matter where we are in life or what we've done. because of this, Jesus died on the cross to take our place, and that is the most amazing gift we will ever receive.

so whenever you see Josh pop up on tv or in the news, or hear about him getting a Canada Dry shower rather than a champagne shower, think about the reason he is there: our Savior Jesus Christ, who truly offers amazing grace. Praise the Lord!

2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

my chains are gone, i've been set free
my God, my Savior, has ransomed me
and like a flood, His mercy reigns
unending love, amazing grace!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

why i love october.

there are many reasons why i love October. i have been thinking about these reasons as of late. why does it appeal to me so much? why do i look forward to it every year? i think i have figured it out.

i am one who values tradition. especially those of you who are in my close family know this for a fact, as i am always emphasizing doing our regular activities and taking our annual pictures and such. traditions are fun, and traditions are consistent. they rarely change. they're always there for me. they are comforting.

that is one of the most amazing and wonderful aspects of the character of God to me. He is unchanging, faithful, always the same. will never leave me or forsake me. loyal and loving no matter what. but also hates sin no matter what. He, unlike people, will never ever let you down. "For all men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever." - I Peter 1:24-25

October is the most consistent month to me. at this point, if you are in school, you have a routine down. the weather is cooling off (sort of) and it's usually lovely outside. there is no threat of winter weather, and hardly ever a thunderstorm. the leaves always change to reveal another side of God's majesty.



certain things always happen. hockey starts officially. this is different for me this year because i am not a part of it like i was, but i will always be a Canes fan and look forward to a fresh hockey season. football games are in full force. even though we don't have a traditional winning record, the games are always some of most fun experiences of my college career. we tailgate, we yell, we have red-outs, we stand in the rain, we sing heeeeeyyy babyyyy i wanna knowwww if you'll be my girl. we're there every year and we are loyal no matter what the score or the record. this is how it will always be for me.



the State Fair comes every single year in October. there has not been a year of my life when i haven't been to the State Fair. i don't cry and hide during the fireworks like i used to, thankfully, but i go at least once and get my traditional foods: a turkey leg, a candy apple, cotton candy, and a caramel apple for my mom. i ride some rides and people watch. it's always excellent and i love it.



MLB playoffs are in October. i love major league baseball. i mean, obviously i love the Red Sox but i also just love the whole system. every year one team from the National League and one team from the American League will meet up for the final series. usually we do make the playoffs, and only two years of my life have i been completely happy and satisfied with everything, but i watch it every year regardless. this year i am pulling hardcore for the Rangers (my 2nd favorite team) and my dad's cousin Josh. baseball never lets me down. every year it is here for me, every year my Sox show up and battle it out all season, and it all comes down to October. it's awesome. as far as this year goes, i must say that i am content with our season this year, because the Sox won the one game they needed to, and it was the best day of my life thus far. :)



basketball begins. this is my favorite part because i look forward to it all year after February. unless you are a coach, you cannot fully understand how fulfilling this time is for me. it is a ministry, it is what i love, and i care about the girls so much i can't even explain it. it's like i'm reunited with my family when basketball starts. and we really are a family. i will talk more about this later, but when October comes, and basketball finally gets here, i feel like i am doing what i'm supposed to be doing. and it's by God's grace that i have the opportunity and ability to do it. 



you may say, okay that's a lot of stuff that always happens, but what about December? that month has more traditions than any of them. well, perhaps yes, and of course i love Christmas and celebrating Christ's birth specifically, but it's just so busy. also, after Christ, it is centered around people, and people are not consistent. they will let you down, and they will not always be there, because people don't last. the leaves always change. the state fair always comes. there are always football games, and the Sox always have a team for me to love. basketball will bring a new team of girls every year that i am coaching.

God's blessings abound at all times of the year, and i love every season for different reasons. but there's just something about October.

Friday, October 15, 2010

finding "the one" & not giving up hope.

i am 22 years old now. this means that most of my friends, acquaintances, and peers are on their search for...THE ONE. they may be in a relationship trying to figure out if it's the right person, ending a relationship because they know it's not, in a relationship trying to lock down that ring, contemplating buying a ring, riding solo and checking out options, or single and searching hardcore. even though it's all different...the ultimate goal is the same.

i enjoy hearing my friends' various takes on this task. some of them want to be "independent". some of them want a companion more than anything. some of them want someone who's going to cater to their every whim. some of them will want a pre-nup. some of them say they want a serious relationship, but their actions prove otherwise. it's all quite interesting.

my history of relationships is a rather rocky road. the only way it has ended up so wonderful is because of God's grace alone. in the past i have made horrible decisions, hurt people, allowed myself to get hurt, and lost my way. i really am in no position to give "advice" besides  the fact that i've been through it. but i will give one word of wisdom to those who are seriously wanting that person who was made for you.

don't give up hope.

if anyone should have given up on having the right, God honoring relationship it was me. i was that girl who always had a different guy with her at functions because i couldn't hold onto a relationship. but that's what i was doing.."holding on". that's not how it should be! i was following my plans instead of making my desires God's desires. when you are connected with "the one" He has made for you, it will be evident! it will be like nothing else in the world! i promise.

yeah yeah i know what you're thinking because you've heard it all before. i had too when i was in destructive relationships and i thought, "well then what am i doing wrong? what is wrong with me?" but it was right in front of my eyes. i was doing it to myself. my plans were AWFUL. i wanted to be treated like my dad treats my mom. adored like my best friend's husband adores her. centered around Christ. i definitely didn't know how to center it on Christ. thought i did. but not at all.

in January, yes this past January, i experienced yet another breakup. i even texted my friends and said something like: "i got dumped again. i don't want to talk about it yet, but you know i'll talk about it later." that's how used to it i was. i hated telling people whenever a relationship was over. a couple weeks later, i was riding in the car with my mom, and she asked me if i had any male prospects on the horizon. i quickly answered "um, no." because of course i didn't. i didn't really want anything to do with that gender at the time. i thought about it for a minute though, and then said to her, "if i was going to date anybody it would have to be someone like Jordan Shelley, and that definitely isn't going to happen." i didn't know what i was saying. i didn't have hope at that point. but God was about to teach me how amazingly sovereign He truly is by unleashing His awesome master plan on me. i can only imagine God looking at His beloved daughter who has made so many mistakes and saying, "you just wait, my child. I am about to blow your mind."

a couple months later and i get in event invite on facebook to a "Mr. Engineer Pageant". it was from Jordan. it wasn't a special invite or anything, he invited pretty much all of his friends. we weren't very close besides having mutual friends and we had hung out in groups a few times in the previous months. it sounded interesting, (i mean of course a pageant for guys sounds good haha) so i did what i normally do. i called Maggie and said let's go. of course she was in. when we got there i didn't see anybody i knew yet, so we took our seats in the second row. when Jordan eventually came on stage and sang, i looked at Maggie and i said, and i quote, "I want him." Maggie then said, "you will marry him." haha no she didn't actually say that she probably just laughed at me because i wasn't truly serious. but yes i did want him.



after that, i got to be around Jordan a few more times in group settings, he wanted info on Hurricanes tickets so he started texting me. (even though he could have looked up the same info on the website but i didn't think about that at the time..) we never stopped talking. a day has not gone by without us texting since that time. a month or so later of letting God work in mysterious ways and finally a date, and i was smitten. when i learned that he enjoys producing excellent music videos just as i do, i was head over heels. try not to fall in love with him when you watch this video.





again though, i didn't want to get my hopes up. i don't get my hopes up about anything usually, it's just how i am. getting a good grade, the Sox winning, NC State ever being great again at sports, people being able to hang out with me, and especially relationships, i just don't get my hopes up. it's easier that way.

but with the Maker of the universe and the Almighty Sovereign Lord as my Savior..why shouldn't i have hope? that's being selfish and prideful of me to not have faith that He has the best for me. because He does! He promises that! if didn't have hope..then i was just setting myself up for another failed relationship. which very well could have happened. but by God's grace, and with His guidance, and how He had prepared Jordan for our relationship, that didn't happen. i will tell all about that at a later time.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, isn't it awesome that we don't have to settle? we don't have to be content with our own little plans? God's plans are infinitely greater and more creative than any of our dreams! and this all means that we can always, always have hope.

let Him blow your mind.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

thursday = friday

it's fridaayy! well actually it's thursday but it's like friday for me because i don't have class tomorrow. awesome. fridays are usually wedding planning days for me. tomorrow will be spent preparing for our engagement party on saturday. which i am so PUMPEDDD about!

i hardly ever get to see my friends, and my closest friends have never been all together at once. which is crazy but i'm glad all this wedding stuff is bringing people together. Jordan's friends are completely different because almost all of his Greensboro people live in Raleigh or went to NC State. so they're just a giant group that hangs out all the time. in my case, i have had many different "lives" over the past few years: Storm Squad life, NC State life, WCA life, church life, and those friends who i've just had forever. so my friends are all over the place & some of them have never even met. i'm thankful for all of them, but Jordan's friends make me jealous because they get to be together all the time. at least they let me join them :) 

i'm actually kind of nervous for everyone to meet and hang out. i guess i shouldn't be because they're all awesome people but i just like pleasing people & for everyone to be happy & i want them all to be comfortable. especially the bridal party people because that consists of 22 people hahah. God has blessed us so much with amazing people.

well i just didn't want that one little post to be lonely so now i have 2. at least i didn't stop at 1. so yay. now it's the night for Community and The Office - the funniest shows on television! yeeeeauuuhhhhhhhh

word.

well hey. it is officially late at night. i have done all the studying i can do tonight, but alas, i cannot go to sleep yet. maybe it's because i've been eating Starburst jellybeans but whatev.

i've always wanted to have a blog. i remember when Xanga was the thing and i friggin loved that. but anyone who knows me knows that i haven't had much extra time on my hands the past few years. soo i've never done it. but i enjoy reading Whitney Bauer's and Rachel Kiser's whenever i think about it, and now my friend Renee Johnson just started one as well. i had a fabulous dinner with her tonight (at El Dorado's YUM) and she inspired me. but she always inspires me, so that's nothing new.

it's getting to the point where it's extremely hard to keep up with people and to tell them what exactly is going on in my life and find out about theirs. even my good friends and family. i guess that's what happens when you grow up, but i'm not fond of it. i'm not really a fan of change. soo..i figured this could assist with this problem and maybe even answer the most popular question of my life right now: "how's wedding planning?!?" 

speaking of wedding planning, i'm getting married. so my name up there in your little web bar thing says Shelley because that's what it will be in 5 months so i just went ahead and put it there. and yes, the planning thing is going as good as it can go! i will be able to offer you our wedding website to visit soon, but it is not quite done.

alright i suppose i must join Teddy in my bed. (Teddy is my stuffed animal friend for those of you who are questioning my fidelity.) hopefully i will actually write in this thing & not forget about it like my Twitter. i think i still have a Twitter? ehh i don't remember. goodnight & God bless.

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