Had I thought about marriage at that point? Of course I had. I had a boyfriend. I'm a girl. A girl with a boyfriend automatically wonders if he's "the one" even if she doesn't want to get married, even for just a nanosecond. It must enter her mind. At least that's what I think happens to the majority of girls. But this was different. This was no casual dating time. This was for real. A "courtship" if you will. Although we never officially called it that.
Jordan and I started talking a lot in March. Our first "date" was in April. We started officially "dating" in June. With the intention of seeking God's will in the relationship - if it was headed toward marriage. By the end of June I just knew. I knew I was going to marry him. God had made it evident to me. I don't know how to explain it. I wrote it down in the journal of letters that I had started writing to Jordan, and he was able to read it when I gave it to him on our wedding day. If I hadn't had documented it, he probably wouldn't have believed me. But I knew. I was in love with him in a way I didn't know was possible - Christ-centered love is a million times different than earthly love. Jordan leading me spiritually was the most romantic thing he could have done for me. I just knew.
We didn't talk about it. We didn't say "I love you". I only remember actually speaking of marriage once. I think that was in July. There was not a clue or hint that it would be anytime soon whatsoever. I do know that when my friends asked me about him, and I told them that I thought I would marry him someday, they were pretty surprised. I had a history of failed relationships and I had never said that before. I couldn't even believe that the words were coming out of my mouth. I didn't want to get my hopes up. But it wasn't just my hope - I had God's hope. He guided us the whole way. It was truly an amazing process, totally due to His grace alone.
That day. A year go. When I saw Jordan come out of nowhere....when he dropped down to one knee...when he told me he loved me for the first time....it was the most surreal, shocking feeling I have ever experienced. I gripped those railings as tight as I could and entered into a dream-like state. That man kneeling before me...the man who treats me with honor and love...the man who reads me God's Word and prays with me for everything...the man who forgives me for mistakes and encourages me to do the right thing....the man whom I respect and admire more than anyone....the HOTTEST man I have ever laid my eyes on...wanted to marry me?!? I started to feel sick. When so many emotions are inside me and feeling like they are being churned in circles by a Kitchenaid mixer, I feel sick. After I said yes a bunch of times, told him that I indeed loved him as well, and climbed the stairs with him to call our parents, I had to take a huge breather and stand near the trash can. "Are you sure??" I asked him. You know, just to make sure. Confirm that I heard the question correctly. It is marriage after all. But the look in his eyes told me he was sure. And I was more than sure. I was absolutely positive. I was elated.
I'm not gonna lie. We got some negative feedback for our "quick" relationship. How "fast" we progressed, and how we surely hadn't been together for enough time to know that we wanted to get married. Compared to what? The average time for a dating relationship before engagement? I have no idea. We really didn't care. We knew that God had led us to this point and that was all we needed. We didn't expect everyone to understand. Sometimes we didn't even understand.
And here we are. A year later, five months married. Problems? Yes. Struggles? Absolutely. Surprises? That's life. Doubts? Never.
I love my husband more every time I see him. Every time I talk with him. Every time I even think of him. We are a team. We are one. I consider myself the most blessed girl in existence. Thank You, Lord. Thank you, Fenway Park. Thank you, Jordan. Thank you, August 21, 2010.