Thursday, November 3, 2011

it's okay to let relationships go.

When someone is mad at me or upset with me, it drives me crazy. 

Don't worry, we were just acting in this picture,
but sometimes those facial expressions are accurate in relationships.

Actually, someone doesn't even have to be's like if a relationship changes at all I freak out about it. I think that it MUST be something I have done wrong.

I think about every solution possible, what I should do, what I can say, what I should have done differently, and so on and so on.

I have been known to dwell on the question, "Is that person mad at me? Why doesn't he/she talk to me anymore?" for YEARS. Years, people.

And this is not past tense. This is something that drives me crazy presently. 

I also feel like I need to see all of my friends somewhat regularly or I'm going to lose them.  It's like - Ohmyword. I haven't seen this person in 2.4 weeks. We're growing apart. I need to talk to her. I don't even know what she's been doing this month. We have to get lunch now. WE HAVE TO GET LUNCH BEFORE THIS FALLS APART. I need to call her. She's not answering. I'll text her. She'll NEVER want to get lunch again because I've let too much time pass. I'M A HORRIBLE FRIEND.

That's not much of an exaggeration. It sounds like a middle school girl who is freaking out about a boy she has a crush on. I have a problem.

The Bible gave me a little wake up call last night. As it tends to do since it's God's Word and all. At church we were talking about Romans 12 (AMAZING chapter, go read it) and this verse jumped out at me:

"If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."
Romans 12:18

God does not condone dwelling on broken relationships forever. 

God does not tell us to straight up "live peaceably with all". No.



Those two little clauses punched me in the face. Hard.

This implies that sometimes it's just not possible. Sometimes I've done everything I can do in a relationship and I just have to let it go.

And it's OKAY to let go.
It's okay to realize I've done all I can do.
It's okay to drift apart because it's inevitable sometimes.
It's okay to never know why someone doesn't talk to me anymore.
It's okay that the relationship doesn't depend on me anymore.
It's okay to miss a friendship but not dwell on it.
It's okay to make new friends.

It's okay.

I don't have to freak out. Which doesn't mean that I won't anymore, but I just need to remind myself of this and that short but meaningful little verse. I think this also relates to my struggle with wanting approval.

Does anyone else have this problem or one like it? 
I'd love to know I'm not the only one!

You know what, I said "it's okay" so many times that I might as well add this to the "It's Ok Thursdays" link-up.  :)

Its Ok Thursdays



  1. What a great post! Even at my age, I am a people pleaser and want to make everyone happy. It's tiring. Thank you for reminding me that it's OK.

  2. Ashley, thanks for this post. This is a huge thing for me as well. When you were describing your thought process, I think I heard my voice doing my normal "inner monologue" when I haven't heard from someone. I've read Romans 12 too and the same phrases struck me. God is so good to remind us that it is not others' approval we should crave, but His. Someone very wise told me once that I'm not responsible for others' reactions. I'm only for my actions towards them--whether they honor God. The rest is up to God. That's been a continual source of comfort to me. Thanks again for an encouraging post!

  3. First of all, Romans 12 is one of my favorites!!! So good :)

    And I said "Yep, yep, yep that's totally me!" almost through this whole post!! I don't go as far as you do when I think of how much I've lost between some friends over a few weeks, but I've definitely gone weeks and sometimes months without talking to people thinking I'm a horrible friend and it drives me NUTS. My sophomore college roommate stopped talking to me in March of that year....just literally STOPPED. Wouldn't respond to a lot of my questions except for yes or no, and we even went to breakfast together almost every morning and she NEVER SAID A WORD. Talk about awkward, right? I even asked her if everything was ok and she said yes....but obviously it wasn't. I still never figured out exactly why, but one of my friends hinted that it had something to do with the guy I was dating at the time how we broke up and then got back together and she was mad at me for ok, then TALK TO ME!!! So ridiculous. But it still bothers me to this day, and I'm always afraid I'm going to lose friends over silly things, but you're right...sometimes it's not possible for US to do everything and we have to let God handle it.

    Great post!!

  4. I really needed to hear this. A good friend of mine and I recently had a falling-out and it looks as if the friendship isn't salvageable. I miss him quite a bit, but I needed this reminder to not let it get me down. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement! God bless!

  5. AHHH!! I'm so like this! I think my husband thinks I'm crazy sometimes when as soon as we get in the car I say "Sooooo, do you think so and so was mad at me..." and I was just having the same thoughts about a friend I haven't been able to get in contact with in like a month!! Oh, how we stray from the peace the Lord gives to us... Just keep giving it back to him, girl!

  6. I feel like this is a thought that goes through most girls minds! But I completely agree with you that its okay to let friendships go. Its better than hanging on while two people are apart cause thats some of the reasons why friendships go south! Its better just to remember why you were friends and welcome the new friends that you have yet to make!!

  7. That is a great point! Our pastor spoke to this a couple weeks ago, the verse he referenced was PS 118:8 I think. It says to put your confidence in the Lord and not in man. Then he said when someone disappoints us or let's us down, we have been putting our confidence in them rather than God. To me it meant that I need to learn to rely on God for everything, even the comforts of friendship, rather than looking to friends to ensure I'm "doing well'. I can't look to my friends to find worth but to the Lord. I'm still mulling it over, trying to figure out exactly what that looks like in practice because it is so different from how the world operates and how I have been operating. I expect my friends to be there for me like I am there for them, but I can't rely on that.

  8. Just found you blog & I love this!! Thank you for sharing.

  9. I love this post I have gone through this with a friend and I still to this day find myself feeling guilty. She even makes me feel sometimes as though everything is my fault. So lately I just let it go I tell myself it's okay that we grew apart it happens. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS POST I NEEDED IT!!

  10. I AM THE WORST! Even when I get phone calls from people, if they have the slightest angst in their voice I panic because I worry they're not happy with me!!

  11. Oh my goodness you have REALLY spoke to me today. THANK YOU for this post!

  12. This post totally hit home for me. After getting married over a year ago & moving a thousand miles away... it was obvious that previous relationships would never be the same. But I would panic each time I went back to visit, knowing things were different & taking them to heart way too much. You're right, it's time to let go.... <3

  13. I just found your blog, and I absolutely love it! This post really spoke to me and reminded me of things I needed to think about. Thank you for being a wonderful writer, and thank you for your exquisite timing! You definitely have a new follower!


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