It feels weird to even type that out. My friend Brittany (who played basketball for me and was my assistant coach with JV) is a senior at NC State University and president of the Christian sorority there. They have a retreat for their executive board at the beginning of each school year right before they welcome their new members.
Brittany asked me to lead it and my first thought was - wait, how old am I? She's 21...am I not just 22 still? No? 25? Really? Well then.
(I'm stuck at 22 in my head. I don't know when that feeling will go away. I'll keep you posted.)
My second thought was yay! Another awesome opportunity! Thank You, Lord! So I responded with a "yes!" after I talked to Jordan of course and received his encouragement.
Then came my third thought....what in the WORLD am I doing?
And I had a mental panic attack. A huge sense of inadequacy. I tried to think of all the reasons I'm qualified to do this: I just worked at camps with girls that age, I've led multiple Bible studies, it's not that big of a group, I help Jordan lead our youth group, I've coached girls for years, blah blah blah. Didn't help.
Because guess what? None of that matters!
I'm feeling inadequate because I AM inadequate.
The awesome thing is that I serve a Savior who is absolutely, completely beyond adequate. I will never be fully prepared or feel "worthy" to teach His Word to others. I fail Him daily. But He showers me with grace!
I claim this amazing passage of Scripture:
"9 And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
You know how people always say, "God will never give you more than you can handle."
That statement is misleading and NOT accurate. It is commonly taken from 1 Corinthians 10:13 where God promises us we will not be tempted beyond what we are able to withstand - there is always a way of escape from temptation.
God will and has absolutely given me more than I can handle many, many times.
Things that have brought me to my knees or even to my face on the ground crying with no words. No way to humanly express the hurt, the pain, the frustration other than just repeating over and over, "I can't. I just can't."
Because I truly can't handle it as a broken, sinful human. But...JESUS can. The HOLY SPIRIT can.
God will never give me more than HE can handle.
God will never assign me a task that He won't equip me to do for His glory. Through His strength. Since I have been redeemed and have surrendered my life to Christ, I have the power of the Holy Spirit in me! Ahhh! That brokenness and sinfulness has been replaced with Jesus' power and righteousness.
Just thinking about that makes me want to jump for joy! I have seen it proven over and over. So that's the promise I rest in every day. He must increase, I must decrease. (John 3:30)
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13 (I bet you've heard that one before.)
I still struggle with inadequacy (obviously) but that's the wonderful thing about having a relationship with God. I can read His Word and be reminded of His promises to me. I can pour my heart out to Him and be comforted, knowing I have the peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7) I can talk to other older, wiser believers about it. I can look at godly examples and see that they struggle with the same thing and look to Jesus as their strength.
I love how Beth Moore literally gets on her knees and prays, giving her sessions to the Lord right before she speaks. You better believe that's what I'll be doing this weekend!
*Disclaimer - that is a cardboard cutout of Beth Moore. At her conference. Haha.*