New Favorite Bible Companion: Write the Word Journal

Last week, my mom gave me a little gift. I had seen the Write the Word journal by Lara Casey online, but hadn't thought much about getting it for myself since I already have other tools to help me study the Bible.

But, wow, I am so thankful she gave it to me. I've been using it for a week now and LOVE it.

It's beautifully made -- sturdy, yet flexible. Made out of vegan leather, so it's easy to clean and wipe off, which is nice since I've already gotten a few stray pen marks on the white cover. The gold foil details are such a pretty touch.

The inside cover has white and blue stripes, along with a space to write or draw whatever you want. Your name, an inspiring phrase or verse, a picture. I love how the pages are thick enough to accommodate my brush pens without bleeding through.

One little thing that makes a big difference to me personally is that it LAYS FLAT. I love how it can do that without a spiral binding. Genius. It also has a handy bookmark.

Of course, what matters is the inside. Why and how do I actually use it?

First, there is a spot for Today Is -- the date, an adjective, what you're doing that day, etc.

Then, there's a box titled I'm Grateful For for a quick time of reflection and thanksgiving.

After that is where you actually Write the Word. There's a Scripture reference at the top of this section and space to write it out below. The Scripture passages aren't random, they were specially selected. This Volume 1 journal contains selections from Matthew, Mark, Proverbs, and Psalm. There are 100 pages including an intro and 49 Scripture passages. 

Then on the right side, there is a section for On My Heart Today. This is where you write whatever you want -- response to the passage, prayer, lists, drawings, anything. That's what's so great about this journal, it prompts me JUST enough but also gives me the freedom to use it in my own personal way. 

What I have personally enjoyed doing is this process:

• Fill out the top 2 sections
• Read the passage in my ESV journaling Bible
• Write the passage
• Read the passage on my phone in another version
• Write the passage in that different version
• Read through both versions of the passage
• Respond in prayer

It may sound like a lot, but it doesn't take that much time and it really helps me to repeat the reading and to use different versions. I love that there is space to do that, too. Sometimes I've read a passage so many times in one version that it's hard for it sink in, so that's why I like to do some comparisons and get a fresh take on it. I find that I can better dwell on it throughout the day when I read it multiple times and write it out.

That's why I love this journal. The simplicity of it has been so beneficial, especially as a new mom. Above any other books or studies to help me, I NEED Scripture and I NEED prayer. That is how I get to know God better, how He communicates with me, how I grow closer to Him. It's not just a fun thing to do (and it's not always fun anyway, it can be tough and convicting, not just warm and fuzzy!), it's a necessity. This journal has helped me to get back to the basics.

Since Volume 1 is officially sold out already, I'm so glad that more of these will be coming out. Sign me up for allllll the volumes! You can't beat the price at $15, either. You will be able to get it at the Lara Casey Shop and check out the hashtag on Instagram: #writetheword. Let me know if you get one and love it, too!

*Disclaimer: affiliate links have been used in this post. I love the Lara Casey shop and am honored to be an affiliate with them! :)

Judah's Birth Story -- Part 2

Judah William's Birth Story Part 2
You can read Part 1 here.
This is long. You've been warned again. :)
Sometime around 9pm on Saturday, 3/14/15, we headed to the birth center. Jordan and I went in first to make sure we were there to stay, but the rest of the family followed close behind. When I had talked to Luanne on the phone she asked me which one of the three birthing suites I wanted and I chose the one I had been in the most (in appointments and classes) because I was familiar with it. We were the only ones there so the whole place was all ours! Haha.

Luanne checked me and said I was 6-7cm dilated so we were there to stay! We brought all our stuff in and the family settled into the front waiting area to watch the ACC championship game and play cards. They seemed to have a jolly good time of which I'm glad especially since they were such troopers and stayed through the whole night. :)
I met the nurse/doula named Tracy who would be attending the birth with the midwife. Luanne was more of an all-business type and Tracy was the lovey-dovey-fuzzy-encouraging one so they really balanced each other out and made a great team. I was so thankful for them and felt as though they truly cared about us and the baby. For the first couple hours they let us be alone besides checking in to see if we needed anything and to monitor my blood pressure and Judah's heartbeat. They gave me a robe to put on, lit some candles, and filled the tub for me to labor in.

I continued with my swaying through contractions tactic mainly using the birthing ball on the bed as pictured. This ball had stuff in it so it wouldn't roll around which was nice. I tried to sit on it but didn't like that during contractions, it felt best to be standing. Laying down through a contraction was the WORST so I definitely wasn't doing that at all.

I didn't use a certain method or anything, but had done a good amount of reading about birth without medication and had taken the "Birth Out of Hospital" classes at the birth center. I knew that to let my body do what it needed to do, I needed to go with the flow and not fight the contractions. One thing I had learned was the cycle of fear/stress --> tension --> increased pain --> more fear --> more tension --> more pain, etc. It was truly the Lord who lessened my feelings of fear through Scripture, Jordan's encouragement, and a supernatural sense of peace. Whenever I felt myself tensing up through a contraction, I would keep swaying, control my breathing, and whisper "relax" over and over as I relaxed my muscles as much as I could.

When the tub was ready I was eager to get in and see if it helped with my back labor. It felt fantastic. The water temperature was just right (I was afraid they wouldn't let it be hot enough for my liking) and I was able to relax more and sip on Gatorade. Jordan pulled up my Spotify playlist of all Coldplay only Coldplay (my favorite band ever). I still swayed and moved through the contractions, but let the water hold my weight. It was cool how they could still monitor Judah's heartbeat regularly under the water with the doppler.

Many people had been asking if I was going to do a water birth. My response was usually, "We'll just have to see!" because I really didn't know. I didn't know how the tub would feel to me but kept an open mind without ruling it out. I knew that if being in the water helped and the baby started coming, I probably wouldn't want to hop outta the tub and dry off while fighting an urge to push. And it really helped us to see videos of water births at our classes. So I just kept it as an option and wanted to see how it would play out. I loved being in the water, but it seemed to be slowing my progress down as the contractions became a little further apart.

They suggested that I get out and walk for a while to really get things going. We walked around the birth center and went to talk to the family out front. They were so happy to see us and couldn't believe how cheerful I was to be that far along. Yeah, the contractions weren't fun or anything, but I was just so happy to be there and excited. The environment and Jordan were really keeping me calm and peaceful, and everything was still so manageable at this point.

Remember how Jordan was still fighting a stomach bug? And how he also has two herniated discs in his back and hasn't even been able to walk normally for months? The Lord totally answered our prayers with a yes and gave him the strength he needed. He took one of my Zofran pills (the last person to take one wasn't me! ha!) and was able to eat some food. I'm sure some of it was him being strong for my sake but I wouldn't have even noticed at the birth center that he felt badly or that his back hurt. He was SO positive and encouraging in just the right way, helping me in any way possible.

It seemed like time was going by so quickly. It's hard to remember what all we did during this time -- mainly just walking around, talking, and listening to Coldplay. I do remember that when she checked me again, I was 9cm and we were talking about how it probably wasn't possible for him to have a Pi Day birthday (3/14) anymore because it was getting close to midnight. But we thought it'd be REALLY soon.

And then 5.5 hours later he was born. The end.

........just kidding. :) This is the not as pleasant part that Jordan doesn't like to revisit in his mind. (I've been getting him to help me remember stuff.) And I can't come close to remembering it all because it's such a blur. But I'll try.

After that last time before midnight I never looked at the clock again. I had no sense of time at all. I didn't want to know how long it was taking. But at this point my body was completely ready -- fully dilated, cervix thinned, all systems go -- but little Judah was not. He was cozy right where he was and didn't want to budge. 

That whole posterior, head tilted and not down thing was still fully in effect. My water wasn't breaking and I had no urge to push whatsoever. So this was a weird time for me. The whole time I had a goal to reach -- get to 10 cm! And now that I was at 10 cm, what was I supposed to do? Keep having contractions that were continuing to increase in intensity and were one on top of another forever? I remember thinking to myself, "This could never end. He may just stay in there. How long could he stay in there?" and then also thinking, "What actually IS an urge to push? Am I having them and not knowing it? That seems ridiculous...an URGE is something that you definitely feel. What if I don't want to feel it? I'm really scared to push. I'm REALLY scared to tear. Maybe I should just not do this."

I could feel the fear coming on and I didn't want it to. Not one bit. So I asked if I could get back in the water. They suggested a shower, and the shower had a separate sprayer thing that Jordan could point at the exact spot on my back where all the pressure was. I thought this sounded excellent. It was a walk in shower area next to the where the toilet was. (Let me just mention that the toilet seat was heated. Heavenly.)

Jordan put on his bathing suit and helped me into the shower. Those two bars that you see in the picture were perfect for me to lean on and let Jordan spray my back. Ohhh man my back. The pressure in my lower back was so intense and concentrated, it covered an area about the size of a softball. Not at all what I imagined labor to be like. I think we were in there quite a while. I was SO SLEEPY. Couldn't hold my eyes open. I was trying to stay fueled with food and hydrated with water and Gatorade, but then I threw up. I knew this was a good sign that things were still happening, but here's what was going on.

• Judah still wasn't moving down at all.
• My water wasn't breaking.
• I was still having no urge to push.
• It was starting to take too long, especially since I was already completely dilated.
• My blood pressure was getting too high.
• With two nights of no sleep I was extremely tired.
• Since I had mainly been up and at 'em the whole time we were there and was throwing up, I had no energy. They tried to get me to do some squats in the shower while holding onto the bar, but I could NOT do it.

Throughout all this, Judah's heartbeat was fine, praise the Lord. But I know that my high blood pressure was disconcerting to them. They kept checking it and giving each other a look of "not good". They weren't saying that to me but I could tell that it wasn't good. And I was desperately wanting to know what I needed to do to get to the point of getting him out. So Luanne said that she thought it was time for her to break my water and for them to give me an IV of fluids for energy. I whined to Jordan (in slurred, sleepy language) that I didn't want an IV, but I didn't even remember them putting it in. (I didn't want it because I'm scared of even getting my finger pricked and am prone to fainting.) I absolutely needed it though especially for what they were about to make me do.
When she broke my water (this was uncomfortable, but again, I was in a fog) she felt Judah and said that we need to do some different things to get him to move. She told me that if I didn't, we'd have to start talking about going to the hospital. I should mention that in that moment in my head I was absolutely certain that I'd be transferred and have a c-section and I was okay with that. I was thinking, "He's not coming out. He needs to come out. They can cut him out. That is fine." I didn't think that anything I could do would get him in a better spot. Especially when they told me it was time to do some lunges. Yes, lunges. I told them I couldn't. They told me I had to. Well, Luanne told me I had to. Tracy told me I was beautiful and wonderful and capable and to let my body do it. I thought she was going to break out in song. She was like a Disney princess nurse.
It was at this time that I told them if only I could go to bed and try again tomorrow I thought I could do it. 
Since this was not an option, I remember telling Jordan that he needed to tell me I could do it. He did. He was awesome. He encouraged me (but not too much to where it sounded fake), he read my Scripture cards to me, he rubbed my back when I needed it. And when he rubbed my back he did slow circles around where the pressure was. I remember Luanne stepping in to actually push hard on my back to try to relieve it with counter pressure, and it did NOT feel good. All I could do was mutter, "no". Haha. Jordan's way was the best. 
So somehow, I did what they said and leaned on the birthing ball on the bed, put one leg up on the bed, and did angled lunges. This is the last thing I imagined myself doing while giving birth. I mean seriously, in no way did I associate Jillian Michaels exercises with having this baby. But at least she wasn't there yelling at me or telling me how she could use another good chest fly in her life.
I had wondered beforehand whether I'd be one to yell or grunt or get angry when it came down to it. It was at this time that my noise level did increase, but my speech was very limited as I was just so physically out of it. Throughout the night I had been softly moaning in low tones during contractions, but now they were much louder. This was also when I started repeating, "Help me, God," and, "the Lord is my helper," over and over. I could NOT continue in my own strength that was for sure. 
During the lunges they tried a TENS unit on my back which is electrical nerve stimulation. Basically they placed electrodes on my back that buzzed and shocked me to distract from the pain. It helped very slightly for a few minutes but wasn't so great for me. Then Tracy wrapped a rebozo wrap around my middle and used it to squeeze my hips for counter pressure. That actually did help more throughout the lunges. It also helped me to count through them mentally and time my counting with my breathing.
I had no idea if I was making any progress, had no pushing urges, and was still mentally set on a transfer. When what seemed like a long time had gone by (I have no idea), after each contraction and set of lunges I would tell them that I didn't think I could do another one. Or at least I would try to tell them that, I was hardly speaking English at this point. It probably sounded like, "Mm back.....can't do 'nother.....can't do it....God help...." and so forth. Luanne told me, "Because you're saying you can't do it I know you're near the end!" which I thought was pure ridiculousness but kept going anyway.
Meanwhile Chris Martin was still singing loud and clear. There are only a few Coldplay songs that I would rather not hear and I hadn't taken them off my playlist. So I remember being in the heat of all this and when one of them came on, I pointed to my phone and said, "Song!" which translated from labor talk to English means, "Jordan, will you please change it to the next song?" He was definitely skilled in the art of this translation.
Finally they told me I could stop lunging. I don't know if they just wanted to try something else or if they were afraid I would start falling over from exhaustion. But they told me to lay down on the bed on my side which was the LAST thing I wanted to do. I hated doing that with the manageable contractions, much less these intense ones. I kept telling myself, "Luanne knows what she's doing. She's done this for 30 years and a thousand times. Do what she says." So I did. I laid on my left side with my bottom, left leg straight as they put what felt like 24 pillows in between my legs and bent my right leg forward. That probably doesn't make sense, it barely even makes sense to me but I was in mental crazytown and kept my eyes closed so I don't know. Jordan laid to my left to face me and continued to encourage me.
Again, it could have been minutes, hours, days, in this position, I have no clue. But eventually after more contractions and more "help me, Lord"s I felt a new sensation in the baby exit region. "I think I'm feeling something!!" I told them. They probably had to resist the urge to pop champagne right then and there but there was still a baby to push out. So they situated me on my back and put my left knee in my left hand. Tracy handed Jordan a juice box to make me drink and I gulped it down pretty quickly.
It was then that the feelings of fear started to come back. I was shocked that we actually made it to this point and that I was going to have to push. I thought they might give me some coaching on pushing before I had to do it for real, but nope. They told me to let them know when the next contraction started and they would tell me when to push. "What??" I thought to myself, "I don't know how to push. Maybe I just won't tell them when the contraction comes. I'll just pretend it's not happening." As you can imagine, I couldn't do that. It was pretty clear when the contraction came.  Luanne told me to take a deep breath and push. I breathed in and pushed as hard as I could until she told me to let out my breath. Again, and again. She said she wanted me to do it three times each contraction. The next contraction I did the same thing, only she never actually said when to let out my breath and so I held it as long as I could. The next time this happened Jordan said, "BREATHE!!" and I did. He later told me that he thought my ears were going to pop off or that my head would explode and yes, that's exactly what it felt like. I told them that I needed them to tell me when to breathe, otherwise I would keep holding it. I guess they were focused on the baby coming out because this happened a few more times, luckily my head and ears stayed in tact.
Now this might sound really weird, and I don't even know how to explain it. But to keep pushing as hard as I could and especially when I started to feel the pressure of his head, I had to mentally remove myself from the present situation. I guess this was one of those out-of-body experience type things. I had heard that it helps to picture meeting your baby but when I did that it brought me back to the fact that he needed to come out and it was up to me. So in my mind, I was with Jordan dancing at our wedding, I was at the beach with family, I was NOT on that bed pushing out a baby. And then I don't remember where in the world I was mentally because Jordan said I kept softly repeating, "It's just me and You, God," over and over. Where was I with God? No clue. But I am eternally grateful for Him being with me.
Throughout the pregnancy one of our songs for Judah was Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay (of course). When Judah was close, Jordan turned it to this song so I could hear it and it could be his birth song. This was so special and now I can't hear the song without tears in my eyes.
I asked them if I could hold my other knee because it was really helping to brace myself, so they helped me do that. Judah's head was RIGHT there which was the craziest feeling. My feet were kicking as I was trying not to push when I wasn't supposed to and trying to go at the pace she wanted me to (to avoid lots of tearing). Jordan seemed to be getting really emotional and kept saying, "You're doing it, babe, you're doing it! It's happening! He's coming! I'm so proud of you, you're doing it!" which was music to my ears. 
Every push I gave 100%. We had worked so hard to get him at that spot, so since he was finally there I wanted him OUT. It took five contractions, three pushes each, and then I felt the strongest feeling of relief ever as Judah came out at 5:07am. I opened my eyes as he made a couple tiny "eeh!" sounds when they placed him on my chest. It was hard to find words, but Jordan accidentally filmed this part with the phone laying on the bed so here are some direct quotes.
"Hi....you're here....you made it....I can't believe it....hi....it happened....thank, You, Lord....hi, Judah....hi, buddy....is he cute?"
"Yes, he's very cute." -- Jordan
"Hi, buddy....you're in the world now...thank you for coming out....you're here and I love you...hi, buddy..."
Jordan got to hold him a little bit as I delivered the placenta, and somehow I took some pictures with my phone as my arm was shaking like crazy. They also gave me a shot of something as I was losing a good amount of blood, but it's hard to remember.

After Jordan held him for a minute, he gave him back to me to breastfeed and Judah latched right on. He was so alert and calm. He seemed legitimately happy to be out of the womb and with us, of which I was glad. 
People have asked if I felt an overwhelming love as soon as they placed Judah on my chest. I loved him, yes, but I love him so much more each day. At that time I think the main feelings were relief and thankfulness. And I was just in shock.
It's hard to remember the order of events after this, but I know that when my mom and mother-in-law heard that first little cry from down the hall, they came sprinting to our door and waited outside of it. Such grandmas they are. :) Before I had started pushing I told Tracy to go tell them all to pray. They had been praying for me and thought that it could possibly take another hour or so after that, so they were shocked when they heard that cry right after they finished praying! So after I fed him, the family came in to meet him. They had been eager to find out his name, so I waited until they were all in the room and said, "This is Judah William Shelley!" They cheered and were so happy and full of love.  One special moment that I'll never forget was my dad coming over to me, holding my hand, kissing my cheek, and saying, "You're so brave, I'm SO proud of you," with tears in his eyes.

They left the room after a few minutes of time with Judah so Luanne could stitch me up. Remember my huge fear of tearing? It happened, and I still don't know how many stitches I got, but I didn't even feel the actual tearing. People had told me that it could be like that, and I didn't believe them (I'm talking about you, Sydney!) but they were right. Maybe if I would have had an easier time leading up to the pushing it would have been worse, but the end happened so fast and there was so much going on with my body that I didn't even feel it. 

I did feel the stitching up part though. Ouch. One of my least favorite parts for sure.

They helped me into a wonderfully warm shower and Jordan spent some time with Judah. I think after I got out was when they weighed and measured him. 6 lbs. 10 oz., 20.5 inches long. The cutest little guy ever.

We were both ravenous and Jordan was feeling like he could actually eat some food and keep it down, so my parents went and got us some McDonald's sausage and egg biscuits and orange juice. YUM. One amazing thing about the birth was that when Judah and placenta left my body, my hyperemesis also left immediately! I felt a huge difference right away and didn't have to think twice about eating that biscuit. Even though my sickness was much worse through the first half of pregnancy, I hadn't realized how badly I had still been feeling until it was gone. Praise the Lord!

Jordan's side of the family went back to our house to get some sleep. We said our goodbyes and thank yous to Luanne and Tracy as a new nurse Kara came in to take care of us. My parents stayed at the birth center for a while which was nice because my mom held Judah while Jordan and I took an amazing nap. I don't know if I've ever been so confused when I woke up. Where am I....what's going on....I'm still so tired....there's a baby....it's my baby. Woah.

After I woke up I fed him again and my parents headed back to their house. Jordan's mom came back to the birth center and helped get Judah cleaned up and dressed for the first time. We started the discharge process as Kara made sure I was good to go, checking up on my body and answering all my questions, giving lots of instructions. She was amazing, too. We really had the most wonderful team throughout this whole time.

Jordan put him in his car seat and we went home sometime around 11:45am. It was a beautiful day for a birthday. I had been a little apprehensive about leaving the birth center so soon, but it was really great. I felt like I had just the right amount of time there. We got to rest at home with lots of help from both sides of our family. They made a huge, delicious meal and we had a birthday party for Judah out on our deck. That evening I kept thinking how weird it was that I had birthed a baby earlier that morning.

What a weekend. It is still so surreal to think that it all actually happened. It was SO not my strength, but the Lord's strength in me. That's the only way I can explain it. I cried out to Him for help, and He absolutely helped me. 

"Out of my distress I called on the Lord;

the Lord answered me and set me free."

-- Psalm 118:5

All glory, honor, and praise be to the Lord. Most of all for redeeming us through His Son Jesus and for giving us new life. The name Judah means "praise", and our prayer is that his life will be a sacrifice of praise to Him.

 

Who Are You?: How Having a Baby Reminds Me of Our First Date

In my last post, I mentioned how I have feelings about this baby that are hard to explain. One way to explain a small part of this goes back to my first real date with Jordan. 

We had hung out numerous times in groups, and it was easy to see him since he lived in the building next to mine, but this was the first time he actually asked me out. (Which caused me to jump up and down on my bed like a 12 year old.)

So when Jordan and I went on our first date, he picked me up in "The White Blur" (a Chevy Cavalier Rally Sport) and took me to Noodles & Company at Cameron Village. I had never been there before. He ordered the mac & cheese with chicken and I did too. It's still what we get there.

He was wearing a yellow MTYC polo shirt. I had on a comfy, spring dress that was a mixture of purples, teals, and yellows. We were both starting to get tan as it was April and that's when everyone skips ahead to summer here in NC. 

We sat across from each other at a booth. I'm sure I was giggly as usual. Man, he was handsome. 

boyfriend & girlfriend in 2010 :) with him being ridiculous of course.

There are a couple things I vividly remember from that date. The first one is that after dinner we watched the movie Seven Pounds at my apartment. I had a separate sound system with speakers but the remote was dead, so I had to get up and adjust the volume until it was right. While I was up, Jordan smoothly put his left arm up on the back of the couch so it ended up behind me when I sat back down. So naturally I spent the next fifteen minutes to an hour wondering if he was trying to put his arm around me or not. (He was.) After the movie we sat there and talked for a long time and he told me a story about how he "ran away" from home when he was little taking his McGee & Me backpack full of necessities into the woods. I was pretty smitten. (Still am.)

The second thing I remember was at dinner. This isn't something that happened, but a feeling. As we were sitting there eating our mac & cheese and talking, I distinctly remember having an overwhelming feeling that I wanted to know every little thing about him. This feeling was so strong that it was like a physical weight on me, this question of "Who are you?" I had never been so intrigued by someone. It was exciting, but at the same time bewildering because at that point I barely knew anything. I wanted to know it all and I wanted to know it fast. I also realized how creepy this would sound if he could read my mind. So I waited until way, way later when we were engaged to tell him this. (4 months, HA!)

This is kinda how I feel about the baby. I am overwhelmed by him. He's a person, someone who is so physically close to me (using my body as a house is about as close as it gets) and yet I don't know him at all. There have been times when I've wondered out loud to him, "Who are you??" And when I'm testing out what we think his name will be I'll say, "Are you ______?" He is a mystery. 

But just like with Jordan, the mystery is what makes it awesome. I've had the incredible privilege of getting to know Jordan for five years now, and would love to continue to do so for as long as the Lord allows. 

And now I get to know a new Shelley guy. With his own personality and mysteries. Maybe some of the things I've learned about his dad will show up with him too. I hope so. 

What amazes me about all of this, is that as I'm wondering, "Who are you?" I can know that he is already fully known and loved by the One who created him. To God, my son isn't a mystery. 

Psalm 139:1-17

O Lord, You have searched me and known me!

You know what I sit down and when I rise up;

You discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay Your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from Your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, You are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

even there Your hand shall lead me,

and Your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,"

even the darkness is not dark to You;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with You.

For You formed my inward parts;

You knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are Your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from You,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in Your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

This comforts me, amazes me, and causes me to worship. Who am I that the Lord would want to know me, know everything about me, and still love me? And my husband. And my son. It is grace upon grace. Praise His Name!

I Finished the Bible!

After two years of what was supposed to be a one year reading plan, I finally finished reading the Bible.

Due to me cracking down and not allowing myself to read anything else for a little while as I finished, I am sorry that I didn't do my monthly Reading Link-Up for March! It will be back for April. :) 

Y'all, I can't encourage you enough to read the whole Bible. I don't know why I waited 23 years to read it all the way through. I had read a huge percentage of it throughout my life, but never purposefully read all of it until now. (I had started a few times without finishing.)

It was eye opening. Convicting. Encouraging. Life-giving. Exhilarating. Arduous at times, I'm not gonna lie. I especially struggled with Ezekiel for some reason. But EVERY book in it is amazing, especially how it all flows together and points to Jesus. At times I would feel so humbled and grateful not only to be reading it, but to know how many copies and different versions I have of the Bible not even just in my home, but on my phone as well. I have the WORD of GOD at my fingertips constantly! It's mind boggling, really.

Here's one of my favorite spots in our house -- our reading nook in the office. 

This is a chair and ottoman that my parents got when we moved to their current house in 2002 I think. They recently updated their living room furniture and we were grateful to receive the comfy, blue chair! I've already spent so much time there, especially in the early morning light. It honestly helped with my Bible reading routine, knowing exactly when, where, and how I would be reading it. 

Another thing that helped tremendously was the app that I used: the YouVersion Bible app. There are many different plans to choose from with shorter or longer time goals, and also choices of what you actually want to read each day as you go through it. I chose to do the Old Testament and New Testament at the same time every day, so I had a few OT chapters and usually one NT chapter daily. I really liked it that way for my first time. 

I was so happy to see that completed plan! Each day it told me what percentage I had completed and how many days I had left which was quite motivating. I loved checking off each day. :) When I did get behind, I could tell it to "catch me up" and it would bring it up to date for me. (I obviously had to do that a few times!)

I think the next time I read it all the way through I will do it chronologically, but we'll see. For now I'll be focusing in on some specific books and passages, and also doing a few Bible studies that I'll fill you in on. :) 

The Lord has taught me SO much through this time of reading His Word. After I finished, I had a twinge of sadness not unlike when I finish a compelling fiction series. But I quickly realized that I have no reason to feel that way, because God's Word is living and active and will teach me even more the next time I read it! And the next. And the next. You get the idea!

How about you? Have you read through the Bible? And what way worked for you? 

3 Wise Words for the Holiday Season

I was reminded of something yesterday through Lara Casey's Instagram that I had read before, but had completely forgotten about and NEEDED to read. It was a quote from Shauna Niequist's blog that is perfect for the holiday season.
Three Words:
Present Over Perfect.
With so many plans, distractions, and good intentions for Christmas we can become a little crazy. As in running around the house throwing dirty laundry into closets begging your husband to vacuum the pine needles on the floor and wrap his parents' gifts oh wait where are the the presents probably in the closet under the laundry well crap I accidentally bought a large oh there's the doorbell people are here I forgot to preheat the oven the lights on the tree just went out we forgot to do the last couple days of advent what are the visitors going to think and ceramic baby Jesus fell on the floor and broke and now I'm crying crazy. Sound a little familiar?
I was already stressing out before Christmas season even started about when we were going to decorate and get our tree. But Thanksgiving is so late this year! I said. It will be December 2nd when we're back from the Thanksgiving beach trip! I complained. Whatever shall we do! I cried.
Well, guess what? We got our Christmas tree December 2nd and it was magical and everything is just fine. Nothing happened because we didn't decorate early. If our Christmas party was tomorrow and the tree was still naked it would be just fine. 
 

I tend to get a little (okay a LOT) stressed and overwhelmed when lots of plans and parties and traditions and obligations are happening all at once (a.k.a. the holiday season for everyone). Just ask Jordan. Well, if you ask Jordan he'll probably just chuckle and not say anything bad about me because he's really sweet but in his head (and to me when we're alone) he'll be like yeah Ashley can be a crazy person.
And it's not like it's just with worldly things -- I can be like this with the good things. The "Jesus is the reason for the season" things. We can be so tired from having people over that our eyes are barely open and I'm like JORDAN WE HAVE TO DO THE JESSE TREE (our daily advent devotional) because I'm worried that we're not talking about Jesus' birth enough. Which defeats the purpose because then it's about me and not about Jesus anyway. So now that you know how ridiculous I can be and why these words from Shauna help me so much I will share them with you. :) You can read her whole blog post here, and please do, but I'll provide some quotes.
"You can show up with your perfectly wrapped grab bag gift & your perfectly baked cookies...and your perfectly resentful and frazzled self, ready to snap at the first family member you see.  Or you can choose to rest your body & nourish your spirit, knowing that bringing a grounded, present self to each holiday gathering is more important than the gifts you bring."
"I co-hosted a party the next night, and one of the things I brought was...frozen meatballs. You know I love to cook, and I was planning, of course, to make them from scratch. But it was too much -- time and energy I don't have in this season.  And, of course, no one cared. That's the lesson in this for people like me who sometimes get wound up about doing things perfectly...90% of the people in your life won't know the difference between, say, fresh and frozen, or handmade and storebought, and the 10% who do notice are just as stressed out as you are, and your willingness to choose simplicity just might set them free to do the same."
Wow. What a perfect example. It reminds me of when Jesus called Matthew to follow Him and Matthew is like YES and then has a feast for Jesus at his house with a bunch of other tax collectors. I bet Matthew didn't have time to make all of the food from scratch or fully clean his house! He just DID it - present over perfect - because he loved Jesus. 
Shauna then goes on to present her "guiding thoughts for this season":
"Present over perfect.
Quality over quantity.
Relationship over rushing.
People over pressure.
Meaning over mania."
This is going to be my mantra for the holiday season. For the glory of God. For the love of friends and family and anyone God wants to be in our home. Present over perfect. I'm so thankful the Lord sent me that reminder. I want to put it up on my wall somehow so I won't forget. I know I will forget in stressful moments, but I pray that I will quickly remember. 
With that said, tomorrow I'll be sharing some Holiday Season Date Ideas with you! Because one thing that should NEVER take a backseat during this season is marriage. :) 

Respecting my Husband: His Confidence

I'm doing a 31 day series about Respecting my Husband! To read about why I should respect him and go to a list of all 31 days, please visit my 31 Days of Respecting my Husband post.

Day 16: Respecting His Confidence

I know that I have emphasized encouragement and support throughout this series, but today is going to be all about that. I should be my husband's biggest fan!

This is easy when you're dating because you're both putting your best feet forward, showing each other your best sides. Then when you become more and more comfortable with each other, especially in marriage when you are committed, live together, and share a room, it gets different. We are exposed to all of each other's faults and bad habits. One of my biggest issues in life is being too comfortable with people I'm close to -- taking things out on them, not thinking before I speak, using an angry tone, etc. And I have definitely let that creep into my relationship with Jordan.

One demeaning phrase can break down his confidence in a second. Yes, he can forgive me, but it can still stick in his mind. James 3:2-10 points out how much of an impact the tongue can have -- such a little part of the body, but it can do much damage. This is definitely true with my marriage. 

This doesn't mean that I have to be positive in a fake and phony way all of the time. I can be honest, genuine, and authentic with my husband, telling him how I feel when necessary, discussing hard things. But I can be respectful and supportive at the same time. Actually think about how words may come across to him before I say them. Be tactful. Watch my tone. And yes, some of those things may have to be forced and will seem fake to me if I'm not used to it. But with the help of the Holy Spirit these can be formed into good habits. My mind can become accustomed to thinking through what I say and saying it in a respectful way. And when I focus on the love I have for my husband in spite of whatever difficult moment we are having, it won't be fake. 

Respecting his confidence also means showering him with compliments. Letting him know when I notice wonderful things about him or his actions. Being free with laughter and smiles, especially when he is the cause. Feeling his muscles. Never ceasing to be impressed by his skills and telling him about it. Cheering him on. Compliment, compliment, compliment. Complimenting him in private. In public. With family. With friends. Like I said -- I'm his wife, his biggest fan! I don't want him to forget it. 

Does this mean I never address him with concerns that the Lord has laid on my heart? Of course not. We are married to give God glory. For our sanctification. To point each other to Christ. But in my opinion, the building up should far exceed the reproofs. 

How can we build our husbands' confidence today?

Respecting my Husband: His Dreams

I'm doing a 31 day series about Respecting my Husband! To read about why I should respect him and go to a list of all 31 days, please visit my 31 Days of Respecting my Husband post.

Day 15: Respecting His Dreams

I recently wrote about how God doesn't call us to follow our dreams, but to follow Him. At the same time, He made us uniquely and knows our wants and desires. He knows them better than we do ourselves! For instance, God knows I love working with teenagers and college students and can help me do that for His glory. He made us with desires, passions, and gifts to glorify him! So that doesn't mean I just throw my dreams out the window, I just need to surrender them to Him. Align my desires with what HE wants and not just what I want. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Ps. 37:4) The first and foremost part of that verse is delighting myself in the Lord.

In light of all this, I can respect my husband by supporting his dreams. We can help each other discover our passions, our gifts that God has given us. To cultivate them and explore how God wants us to use them. But sometimes we can go through the day to day not spending any thoughts on dreams, and before we know it a year has gone by. Or five years. And we're still wondering what God wants to do with us.

First of all, this whole thing with "finding God's will" is truly just an every day surrender. It's not some mystical idea that will one day pop into my head. His will is laid out for me in the Bible! All I have to do is read it. I can expound upon that on a later date, but I just wanted to clarify. :)

Along with the act of daily surrendering to follow Jesus, we can work through and explore our dreams for His glory. This is what I can help my husband do. I can ask him about them. Do I even know what his dreams are? And not just a "where do you see yourself in five years" question, but questions like, "What has God burdened you with?" or "If you could go anywhere or do anything for God taking money out of the question, where or what would it be?" Or, "What are your dreams for our family?"

And then I can support him in those dreams. Dream with him. Encourage him. Pray with him about them. It would seriously make a good date night! That's the kinda stuff you do when you're dating, why should it stop then? No matter what age you are, you can dream! We can write them down, talk about action steps, make a "mission statement" for our family. Get excited about what God can do through your family and marriage! I know I am. :)

November Goals - Follow HIM

I finally sat down and worked through Lara Casey's "Make It Happen" booklet that she made for us at the Influence Conference. It was a lot about dreams, fears, and goals - but in a Christ centered way. SO refreshing. 

With phrases like "Follow Your Heart" and "Follow Your Dreams" floating around everywhere in this world (and on Pinterest) it's easy to become focused on what I want and what my plans are for my life. The life that was given to me by a loving Creator. By the One who redeemed me from my sinful self. The same sinful self that apparently has all the right plans? No. I do not, in fact, know what's best for me. I've tried that. It wasn't pretty. Being a follower of Christ is a full-time thing. It's not something to throw in to the mix of my life and think happy thoughts about once in a while. It affects EVERYTHING I do.  "Then Jesus told His disciples, 'If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?" - Matthew 16:24-26 It's not about me. Actually, let me rephrase that: I don't want it to be about me. Because, yes, I am going to have selfish times. While I'm here on this earth I'm going to struggle with my flesh. But Christ is inviting me to surrender to what He wants, to walk in the Spirit. To forsake what my flesh wants and have an eternal perspective.  I'm saved by grace through faith. I'm covered in God's grace. I now have Jesus' righteousness in place of my filthiness. But it doesn't just stop there. I won't just sit and wait and play it safe. I want that abundant life that Jesus talks about in John 10:10. Abundance that comes through surrender.  When talking about goals in the booklet that she gave us, Lara Casey told us to ask these three questions about our goals:

I love these questions. They are convicting, challenging, and Christ-centered. They build an excellent lens to look through when crafting goals - short term or long term. 

So here are some of my November goals:

• Set apart time in God's Word and for prayer journaling each day.
• Work on BSF 3-4 days of the week. 
• Devote 30 min. to one hour to cleaning the house each weekday. 
• No dishes left in the sink at night.
• Finish Respecting my Husband series.
• Finish my one year Bible reading plan (that turned into two years).
• Make sure to set apart time with the Lord during our three trips this month. 
• Take Christmas card pictures and order cards.
• Send three hand-written notes (thank you/encouragement) per week. 
• Plan meals each week.
• Finish planning new blog design.
• Post on blog each weekday.
• Work out at least four times per week.
• Set apart at least 30 min. each weekday to answer emails.
• Finish planning Christmas shopping and budget.
• Plan youth group movie night and youth group girls' day. 
• DON'T start another book until I finish the ones I'm already reading. :) 

These are small things - not grand in any way. But I'm learning to be faithful in the little things for the Lord and for our family. (Luke 16:10) I'm a big idea person and sometimes I can become too focused on dreaming and not on the small things. 

What are some of your November goals?

I'm linking up with Hayley at The Tiny Twig to share goals. I like how she talked about setting three must-do goals each day and not being overwhelmed. Such a great idea.

Happy November from the Shelleys! We had a wonderful time in the mountains of NC this past weekend. :) Hope you enjoyed your extra hour on Sunday!

Respecting my Husband: His Talents

I'm doing a 31 day series about Respecting my Husband! To read about why I should respect him and go to a list of all 31 days, please visit my 31 Days of Respecting my Husband post.

Day 14: Respecting His Talents

This kind of goes along with respecting his hobbies, but is somewhat different. My husband has been blessed with certain talents, and God didn't give him those talents for nothing. He wants to be glorified through them!

I don't want Jordan to set aside those talents as he gets older. I want to encourage him to continue to develop his skills and serve the Lord through them. Just because life is busy doesn't mean he shouldn't find time to practice his talents. I can support him taking the time to do that.

One of Jordan's main talents is music. Besides being something that makes me melt like a popsicle on the fourth of July, it's a talent that can be used in service to the Lord. Jordan likes to play music on the guitar or piano on his own, but he also likes for me to be in the room listening. Not just sitting there on the computer with his music playing in the background, but actively listening and telling him which songs I like and which ones are perfect for his voice. He leads worship at church sometimes, and also at youth rallies and camps. I'm glad he doesn't keep his talent to himself!

Another thing I can really try to encourage him in doing is speaking at church. At our chapel there is no "pastor" - there are elders who preach a lot, but they also ask other men in the church to speak as well. The men rotate the responsibility. I need to do whatever I can to help Jordan as he prepares for speaking at church, which can include making time for him to study (not overloading us with plans), helping him proofread, listening to what he has prepared, helping him work through his thoughts. This goes the same way for when he leads Bible studies and speaks to the youth group. I have to remember that I'm his helpmate!

Talents could include all kinds of spiritual gifts. As wives we can help our husbands figure out what those gifts are and encourage them to their gifts for God's glory. This is how the church works best! It's also an awesome feeling to build my husband's confidence in something that I know he's good at. Yeah, sometimes thinks I'm too biased to actually give him good feedback...but I can't help that he's good! Haha. :)

Jordan and his brother Joseph playing and singing at church.

Uncle Jordan teaching Harvey some piano!