31 Days of Respecting my Husband

Respecting men, specifically my husband, is something that the Lord has laid on my heart in the past few years. And when I say He has laid it on my heart, I mean He's convicted me like crazy about it.

I've been married for two and a half years now and have barely grazed the surface of what respecting my husband looks like. This is a chance for me to dive deeply into the subject and learn more about how God calls me to treat my husband. 

I'm joining in on The Nester's 31 Day Challenge and writing about respecting my husband. For 31 days I will write about this topic and preach to MYSELF. 

(See the bottom of this post for all 31 days!)

If it challenges you as well, then great. But honestly? This subject is directed toward ME. So just know that I am no expert. I am a servant of the Lord wanting to learn more about this amazing calling He has placed in my life - being a wife. 

Before you read this series, you should probably read this post about how marriage isn't everything. The gospel is everything. Marriage is just one of the many ways God gives us a picture of His plan of redemption - His grace, love, and sacrifice.

ANYTHING good that I can do for my husband is through the Lord's grace. It is not of my own doing. What a relief! It's not about my performance. I don't have to work harder to earn favor from God or my husband. But that relationship with the Lord and with my husband motivates me to serve them - out of LOVE. I hope that makes sense. I want to keep that in mind as I study this topic - this isn't a checklist of things to do in my marriage. It's a way to brainstorm how I can love the Lord and my husband through His grace.

Here is an excellent reminder of that in Scripture: "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." - Ephesians 2:8-10

I'm not saved BY good works, I'm saved FOR good works.

Alright. So let's get into it.

Why should I respect my husband?

Ephesians 5:22-24,31-33

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."

"'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife she that she respects her husband."

1 Peter 3:1-4

"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

As you can see in these passages, God commands me to respect my husband. In today's culture, that may seem like a negative thing. "Respect" and "submit" aren't words that are thrown around in magazines when talking about relationships. Actually, it's usually quite the opposite. Messages of taking charge and getting what you want out of a relationship are shoved in our faces daily. Why is this? Because we are selfish. I am selfish. Bottom line.

Respecting my husband goes even deeper than marriage. It goes back to putting others before myself. To laying my desires down for God's glory and the benefit of others. Showing sacrificial love. This all relates to respecting my husband. It's a GOOD thing. So let's put any negative and worldly connotations aside when looking into this. 

This means respecting him regardless of HIS performance. This isn't about him deserving my respect. It's about treating him this way unconditionally. Unless I am in a dangerous situation that I need to get out of (which I should discuss with my church leaders if that ever were to happen), I should respect my husband.

But you know what one of the amazing things are about this? Respecting my husband motivates him to love me better. What a wonderful side effect! That doesn't mean everything will be perfect and that there won't be trials or problems, but it does mean that my respectful actions and attitude will make me more lovable. 

The rest of the month we will focus on the HOW. We will talk about practical ways to respect. Today is all about the WHY:

• For the glory of God.
• Because God commands me to respect my husband.
• Out of love for the Lord and my spouse.
• To get to know both God and my husband better.
• To further the gospel.
• To be more lovable. 

You can follow me along in this subject if you want - but like I said, it's for me. :) 

If you're wondering if I've ever written about this before, I have - I did, back before we got married! It's fun to look back and see what I was thinking and dwelling on a few years ago. God has been working in me a lot since then. (And always will be!)

Let me know if you're linking up with #31days!

Day 2: Respecting His Words
Day 3: Respecting Him in How I Talk About Him
Day 4: Respecting His Work
Day 5: Respecting His Family
Day 6: Respecting His Friends
Day 7: Respecting His Desire for Me (Sex)
Day 8: Respecting His Kingdom (Home)
Day 9: Respecting Our Time Together

Ode to Our Apartment.

This was written about a year ago when we were moving into our house. I found it sitting in my drafts, so it's about time it was posted. It definitely got the tears flowing. 

Ode to Our Apartment

O, Apartment, how I have loved thee.

You were our first place. Our first home.

Where I cooked for Jordan for the first time.

Where I spent my first year and a half of learning how to be a wife.

Having people over. Christmas party. Movie nights. Bible study. Game nights. Super Bowl. Birthdays.

Your cabinets housed my first pots, pans, and dishes. The nice salad spinner that I have yet to use.

Your one bedroom had one window that looked out onto our screened in porch surrounded by trees and let in no light at all. It was excellent for sleeping. Not for waking up. I don’t know how we’ll get used to having any sort of light in our bedroom but we’ll try. There is no strength of black-out curtains that could match your darkness.

That bedroom also welcomed our furniture that has been passed down four generations. I bet my great-grandparents never knew how useful and special those pieces would become.

Your living room was home to the couch and chairs that belonged to Jordan’s Grandpa Bill. Another person that you were privileged to have a part of in your living space.

Your bathroom was where we spent many mornings getting ready and evenings ending the day - sharing the sink, writing messages on the mirror, and taking up all of the counter space (with MY stuff).

Your laundry room and thin floors caused the lady below us to hate us. I hope your next inhabitants will have better neighbor relations.

Your empty space above us was a lovely home for a few squirrels for a while. Now they can have a party and no one will hear them or care. (Until someone else moves in.)

It was with you that we played "Body, Body" with for the first time. (A game that is often called "Murder" by others.) With at least 15 people in your cramped space, it was almost impossible to guess who the murderer was. I'm sorry that the lady below put an end to that game rather quickly and we had to play elsewhere.

It was with you that Jordan had the idea to have a "sleepover" in the living room. We moved our mattress to your living room floor, ate snacks, watched a movie, stayed up late and laughed. Only to be woken up early by blinding light coming through your windows that we were not used to.

Your kitchen was where I made my favorite dish of cajun chicken pasta for the first time. It had neither enough cajun nor chicken, but Jordan thought it was delicious.

It was with you that I experienced my first (and likely my last) earthquake. The pictures almost fell off the walls.

Your wall hosted our Jesse Tree for the first time, and my small amount of Christmas decorations took up plenty of room in your tiny space. I thought it was beautiful. It was.

It was with you that we both had to take care of each other in sickness for the first time. Where we fought for the first time. Where we jumped up and down hugging each other when Austin Rivers made that famous last second shot. Where Jordan set up the card table on my birthday for us to play Monopoly Deal. Where we drank Cookout milkshakes. Where we started at Season One of The Office just so we could watch them all together in order. Where we prayed together, cried out to the Lord together in difficult times, and praised Him every day.

I'm sorry to say that with you I often had a case of the somedays.

But it's funny. Now I look back on you fondly, sad to leave you behind. Fearful to move on from your comfort and familiarity. I know we will miss you, dear Apartment. You have served us well. We are thankful for the Lord providing you just for us.

And we will never forget our very first place.




These pictures are from when we were moving - so that's why there's stuff everywhere!

2 Years!

We had our 2 year anniversary last week! 
These two amazing years have flown by, but at the same time it seems like we've been married longer than that. I know that is not logical...but it's just how it feels. Maybe some of you can relate.
I'll share more about our anniversary & this crazy month of March later, but for now I'll show you some of our 2nd anniversary pictures. Which I LOVE.
I want to have pictures taken every year so we can look back on them. How special would it be after many, many years?
They were taken by the talented Renee Green.  If you're not reading her blog, you should. She's one of my most favorite people in the world.

Now a succession of yearly pictures. Haha just 2 for now but just wait until it's our 20th! (Lord willing) Then we'll have LOTS of pics.

The 1 year anniversary pics were done by Mandi Murfin Photography.

Praise the Lord for His gift of marriage!

And for my amazing husband. :)

Show and Tell: Marriage!

I'm linking up with Becky of From Mrs. to Mama again for Show & Tell! Last week was the home edition. This week is all about marriage! Since I've never talked about that, I decided to join in and let you know that I'm married. (HA)

Most of you probably already know that besides my salvation and relationship with the Lord, my marriage is my #1. Jordan is my priority. Even if and when we have kids he will still be my priority. We are one in Christ. :) 

But this may give you a little more insight. I'll try to keep it short and not overwhelm you!

Here are Becky's questions and my answers:

1. Are you married? If so, when did you get married, and tell us about your special day. If not? How would you describe your dream wedding?

YES. We got married on March 19, 2011 - about a year and a half ago.

My special day was more than I could have hoped for. This is where I need to take a moment to give my parents a shout-out - THEY ARE AWESOME and gave their only girl the BEST. Probably because they knew she was marrying the best. :)

Since there's no way I could really describe it - I'll just let you see for yourself. Here are our highlight videos!

Jordan & Ashley Highlights from Josh Sliffe on Vimeo.
Jordan & Ashley Reception Highlights from Josh Sliffe on Vimeo.

2. Show us some wedding pictures. Either yours or of some that you love.

3. How about the engagement? Tell us your story. If not engaged, what's your dream proposal?

Jordan completely shocked me during my first visit to Fenway Park in Boston. (I'm a Red Sox fanatic.) I thought he was in NC. He showed up during the 7th inning stretch. I about fainted/got sick/fell down. It was crazy awesome. We had been together for about 4 months so I had no idea it was coming anytime soon. But I DEFINITELY knew I wanted to marry him. :) You can read more about our proposal here!

4. Show us your wedding rings or an engagement photo! If not engaged/married ... show us your "dream" ring.

5. Tell us why you think marriage doesn't work out for so many? What can we do to make things last?

I think marriage doesn't work out for so many because to be married you have to be selfless. We are naturally selfish, therefore putting another person's interests completely above our own is not something that just happens. It involves true commitment, work, and most importantly - God. He is our example of love. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. It is meant for HIS GLORY. It is a beautiful gift that we too often take for granted. 

I'm learning more about being a wife every day, and the best way I can do that is to be in His Word and growing in my relationship with God. I could write about this all night, but I'll try to sum it up. :) I'll just say that I can't look to my marriage for complete satisfaction in this life. Yes, I ADORE my wonderful husband, but he's human. He will disappoint me sometimes. (Not as much as I disappoint him!) God will never, ever fail me. Living for Him is my purpose, and being a godly wife falls under that purpose. I am nothing without Him. If I put my marriage on a pedestal to have all of these lofty expectations fulfilled, it's not going to perfect, and I'm going to be let down. But  when our goal is honoring Christ NO MATTER WHAT, we can do it through His strength.

That's it for this week's Show & Tell! 

Let me know if you link up. My blogger pal Amanda from The Brandon and Amanda Story did. Are you following her blog? She's awesome. And they are CUTE.

Thank you to Becky for hosting this!

Hope everyone is having a great start to your week!