Levi's Birth Story - Part 2

You can read Part 1 here.

May 18, 2016 - Wednesday

7:30 pm

Jordan and I arrived at the birth center and were happy to see Margaret. She is so easy to be around and has such a positive presence about her. Margaret checked on the baby's heartbeat, felt my belly for his position, and remarked (like every other midwife) about how it seemed like he'd be small. They hadn't been worried about this since Judah was on the small side. She listened to his heartbeat while I had a contraction. She said that my contractions definitely didn't seem intense enough for me to stay. Then she went over our options for medication to help me sleep. We listened to the instructions, slightly discouraged but trying to stay positive.

Then, she checked me and her tone completely changed. Eyes widening, she said, "You're not going anywhere! You're 8-9 cm and the baby's head is RIGHT here!" She was shocked and kept saying that she couldn't believe it. Relief washed over us. I KNEW my body had been doing a lot of work. I don't know if I don't accurately communicate my pain level well or what. It's tough because I wanted them to know as much as possible how I was feeling so they would know what steps to take, but at the same time if I gave into the pain and talked about it negatively then that made it worse. Even throughout the day I didn't want any words or looks of pity from Jordan or our parents as that didn't help me. I don't know if that makes sense but I asked them to try not to do that and they all did an excellent job of supporting me how I needed it. Just like last time I tried to stay CALM throughout the whole thing.

Margaret summoned the nurse to get the room ready -- the same room where I birthed Judah. It felt right to be back in that one, but it also felt really weird. Like....how am I here again so soon?! Are we really having another baby?? So many mixed emotions.

She told me that she would break my water and she thought the baby would come quickly after that. She said that the reason I kept constantly having to pee was that his head was so close and that she couldn't believe that my water hadn't broken on its own yet. We had driven my parents' car to the birth center so I'm glad it didn't break on our way!

We were so happy. I felt renewed and excited for what was to come. I knew that I would be holding this still unnamed baby soon and couldn't stop smiling. (Okay well maybe I stopped smiling some during contractions but whatever.)

Jordan called the family to tell them to come and we got settled in the room. I did some squats using the shower bar to see if my water would break on its own. That bar was so helpful to lean on as I swayed through contractions. Margaret came in to tell us that they were having some complications with the other baby who was just birthed and she would have to attend to that for a bit. She wanted me to eat and drink some more before everything intensified. I didn't realize this but Jordan told me later that I promptly destroyed three Gatorades at that time (not big ones, but still, good grief. At least they were G2s). I ate a banana and a granola bar.

We hung out just us two through some contractions and discussed the name some more. Margaret checked on me during this discussion and liked the one we were leaning toward and at that point I said okay -- let's just use that one. We felt better about it than any other one and kept coming back to it even though I knew we may not feel 100%. That 100% feeling was what I had been waiting for, but it just wasn't happening. 

Then I started to get impatient. I was wondering why she wouldn't just come and break my dang water. Well, ANOTHER potential birth had arrived. Baby & Co. has three rooms and now they were all full. With one midwife and one nurse. The nurse said that she had gone weeks without attending a birth and now she had three at one time...crazy! I was like oh yeah cool wow definitely help them but CAN YOU JUST BREAK MY WATER PLEASE.

While I waited some more Jordan brought Judah in to see me before he needed to head home for bedtime. I loved seeing my buddy and got some cuddles in while he was still our only baby. He had no idea his world would be completely different the next time he saw us! My sister in law Caitlin's mom came to our house to be there until I had the baby. She was so clutch because I hadn't even thought about how no one in our family would want to leave do that (of course).

9:00 pm (maybe, not sure)

I got in the shower to help with the back pain and Jordan sprayed hot water directly onto my back. That is like medication for real y'all.

Somewhere around this time, Margaret finally broke my water. She had me immediately do some test pushes and told me I was so close. They left me to finish off my laboring and let them know when I felt the pushing urge. Since I actually knew what that felt like this time I was like okay let's do this thing. 

Things kicked into an even higher gear right away as we were in the home stretch. I mean the contractions had definitely been difficult thus far, but this was the point when there weren't really any breaks, a lot of "help me God"s were said, and my low moans increased. It was SO MUCH LIKE last time, except this time I wasn't as exhausted and out of it. Which partially was nice because I had the energy I needed, and partially was bad because I was much more mentally present and therefore more aware of everything I was feeling. 

Last time they made me do lunges and squats to get Judah in a better position. This time I did them voluntarily because 1) it made it slightly easier to get through the contractions as I would breathe and count through them 2) it felt more like a workout which helped mentally 3) I wanted to help the baby along as much as I possibly could so I wouldn't have to push long. 

So there I was, identical to last time, with my foot propped up on the bed doing lunges and switching sides each contraction. Margaret had told me that supporting my belly with my arms or getting Jordan to do so could slightly help my back pain so we did that some. (Similar to the support I got from the rebozo wrap last time.) I remember telling him to help me sometimes and then I'd be like NO stop it doesn't help WAIT come back try it again okay that's good NOPE NOPE STOP. Poor guy. He was so great and did anything he could. A contraction would end I'd be like PEEL ME A BANANA and it would suddenly appear, ready for me to take a bite. I shouldn't make it seem like I was yelling because I wasn't (that I recall) but there was definitely a sense of urgency with the contractions so close together.

Everything kept getting more difficult and I was still not having an urge to push. Looking back, I should have known to try laying down since that's what started the pushing urge last time, but I was so focused on getting through the pain that I didn't think of it. When I felt like I truly couldn't take it anymore I told Jordan to go get them and tell them it was at the highest level and that I would love to try to start pushing -- urge or no urge.

Here's a funny story that I was not a part of and didn't hear until days later. At this point Jordan went out to the front waiting area where our family was and our midwife Margaret was out there getting a drink or something. Our parents started talking to Jordan about getting us food and what he thought I would want and he FORGOT WHY HE WAS OUT THERE. So I was by myself, for all they knew delivering my baby alone, while they were sitting discussing milkshakes or something. Thanks, guys. Margaret asked Jordan if anything had changed since she was last in there and he kind of auto responded/thought she was referring to their food conversation and was like, "yeah everything's fine." A few seconds later it hit him and he was like NO WAIT she needs you. I never even realized I was alone for all that time because I was so in the zone. Bless his heart. He really is the best, he just had a momentary loss of sanity.

A few things I remember from being in the zone:

• thinking about the things I was glad I wasn't currently doing -- for instance, one of our BFF's was about to summit an icy mountain wearing 17 layers at the exact time I was having the baby (what a great day for our group text chat) and I wouldn't have switched places with him for anything.
• picturing Coach Boone in Remember the Titans saying this:

• listening to the song You Make Me Brave by Bethel -- LISTEN TO IT. I will never hear it again without reliving this birth and probably crying. It was already one of my life songs but this made it even more so. This time I listened to a mix of Coldplay and Jordan's worship playlist for camp.

So they finally came back to check on me and had me lay down to monitor the baby's heart rate and my blood pressure. And there it was. THE URGE TO PUSH. All the sudden I was like okay okay I need to push you need to help me I need clear instructions you need to tell me when to breathe or I won't breathe alright I'm pushing I can't not push. So they went quickly from sitting and entering data into a laptop to rolling me from my side to my back and getting me situated for baby pushing.

Jordan was stationed right by my head as I grabbed my legs by my knees to brace myself. Tearing up he was saying, "You're doing it, you're doing it!" which gave me that extra bit of energy I needed. I started really pushing with the next contraction and they were talking about being able to see his hair. After that contraction I had to take a break from pushing (contractions help push the baby out) and GOODNESS GRACIOUS. I did not remember the intensity of this part from Judah's birth because I was so out of it and it was such an out of body experience. Well this was an IN BODY experience and I felt every bit of it. I resolved to get him out with the next contraction. During this very short break that felt like a thousand years they asked me if I wanted to reach down and feel his head. I was breathing very hard trying not to push and barely able to respond but in a low moan said NOOOOOO. I could not let go of my legs for a second.

The next contraction came. I pushed with all my might. Jordan turned on the song we had picked, Coldplay's "Amazing Day".

And just like that, after about 5 minutes of pushing, he came. After his head came out the rest of him felt like nothing. I remember them telling me to grab him myself but I just couldn't physically do it so they laid him on my chest. Our first reaction was that he was SO small. Our second reaction was that he was SO loud. Really. Really. Loud. Jordan and I looked at each other like what have we gotten ourselves into.

We met our sweet, strong, dimpled, little Levi Jordan Shelley at 10:29 pm on May 18, 2016. He weighed 5 lbs. 11 oz. and was 19.5 inches long.

He continued to lay on my chest and the nurse encouraged us to let him do the "crawl" to breastfeed and it was amazing to see. In other words, I didn't have to even move him, he moved and found where he needed to go and what he needed to do to eat instinctively. We let him eat for as long as he wanted before letting the family come in. They were waiting outside the door also amazed at how loud the little guy was.

My feelings at this point were mainly ones of relief. I kept saying that I was so glad to not be in labor anymore! I was happy to meet Levi but mostly just simply relieved to be done with the birth.

They helped me deliver the placenta and I expected them to stitch me up next which I was not looking forward to. Much to my surprise, Margaret told me I didn't need any and that I hadn't torn at all. HALLELUJAH. This proved to be a huge factor in a quick recovery and for that I am so, so thankful. It was AMAZING how normal I felt due to the lack of tearing. I walked around with relative ease almost immediately. The human body is incredible.

I put on my pj's and told them to send the family in. Jordan's younger brother Joseph and his wife Caitlin were there with both sets of our parents. We called/Facetimed our other siblings and told them all his name. For both births, telling them the name was one of my favorite parts. I will never forget seeing the joy of our family. They cheered and were SO excited to meet him. My dad had mentioned the name Levi as a suggestion during the pregnancy and he did a victorious fist pump in the air.

Levi had stopped crying at this point and they passed him around while I chugged more Gatorade and realized how hungry I was. The Shelley side of the family went to our house to relieve the babysitter and my dad went to get us some biscuits. I was already wanting to go home to sleep but we had to stay there a few more hours for them to make sure both Levi and I were stable and healthy.

I took a WONDERFUL shower and remember standing there feeling so happy to not be pregnant or in labor. I knew I had a lot ahead of me but at this time the Lord truly filled me with peace.

Levi absolutely hated being checked out, measured, and weighed and cried his head off some more. Jordan and I relaxed in the big, comfy bed while eating our food and then I fed Levi again. I remember thinking, "Already? I should feed him again?" and it hitting me how often newborns eat. It's crazy how quickly I had forgotten.

My parents went home, the nurse pushed on my stomach a million times to help my uterus start the process of getting back to normal (ugh), and they went through all of the check-out info with us. They told us they would call us the next day and visit our home the day after and helped us out to the car. We put his tiny body in the car seat as best as we could and made our way home at about 2:30am. Some people may think this is crazy but it was perfect to me.

We jumped right into our routine of being in our room with Levi beside our bed sleeping. I went to sleep happily without my pregnancy pillow, so glad to have my husband beside me again.

And just like that, we were a family of four. :) All praise and glory to the Lord.

Here is the video Jordan's brother Joseph made from Levi's birthday. It's something I will always treasure.

More posts to come about Judah meeting his little bro, the first weeks with Levi, and life with two babies!

Levi's Birth Story - Part 1

I prayed for a short and easier labor and delivery this time. I knew that the Lord would help me do it again regardless, but I still prayed.

I prayed for a full night's sleep before the birth. I prayed for the labor not to be all in my back again.

The Lord said no to these prayers.

BUT, God. God not only gave me the grace and strength for a tough birth again, but He said "yes" to things I didn't even know to pray for.

I'll start with Tuesday, May 17, 2016.

Tuesday is the day of the week when my mom, a.k.a. "Nana", comes over to hang out with Judah while I go to appointments/run errands/work/rest my formerly weary pregnant self. On this Tuesday (at 38 weeks) I was feeling SO TIRED and as I told my mom, "over it" physically. It was quite difficult to pick up Judah and I couldn't play with him on the floor anymore. I was so glad she was coming that day. I had so many things to do, but when she got there I decided to take a much needed nap. The whole pregnancy I had trouble actually going to sleep for a nap but that day I totally zonked out.

As in Judah's birth story, this was helpful later.

I needed to wrap up some before-baby stuff, such as shipping off the last order of Lettered Pine signs for a while. I also got a pedicure which was glorious. I was craving McDonald's that day (mainly the sweet tea) and ate there by myself. While I was sitting there, I started noticing some weird crampy feelings that felt a little different than the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been having. Hmmm. But they went away and I continued on with my errands.

That night Jordan had a basketball game and his parents came to visit from Greensboro. Again, the weird feelings came. I didn't say anything, but wondered if it meant something. After the game Jordan and I went to our Tuesday night small group and the cramps returned again. Then again later as we talked Jordan's parents when we got home. It was always when I was sitting down and being still.

Before bed, when Jordan prayed with me and we said our goodnights, I told him, "I think it will be tomorrow." Which may not be the best thing to tell your husband before he tries to go to sleep. (Sorry, babe.)

We had been sleeping in separate beds for a few weeks since my giant pregnancy pillow and large self were taking up the majority of the bed and I was getting up to go to the bathroom multiple times a night. So he headed to the guest room and we tried to get some sleep.

11:30 pm

It was taking me a little while to fall asleep and as soon as I got comfortable -- there it was. A real contraction.

"Nope. Noooope. That was just a tease. If I ignore it, I can just go to sleep. Then they can start back in the morning if they want. It was probably nothing. How long has it been since I felt it? Too long. So it probably wasn't real. Okay. Sleep time. OH GOOD GRIEF ANOTHER ONE IS HAPPENING. No. No. No."

If you recall in Judah's birth story, the timeline went like this: went into early labor around dinner time, real contractions started around midnight, never slept, labored all day, Judah was stuck, missed another night of sleep, finally born in the morning after 30+ hours. So one of my main concerns was actually getting sleep this time. But that was not meant to be. Again.


Wednesday, May 18, 2016.

1:30 am

After a couple hours of laying there trying to sleep in between contractions, I decided to get up and take a shower. I thought maybe a change in position and the hot water could slow things down, but the contractions continued to increase in intensity and frequency. After the shower I started to actually time the contractions. (I suggest the BabyCenter app for this! So helpful!)

3:30 am

The contractions were consistent and I had to stand up and sway through them. Last time they weren't like this until much later, so it made me think that this could really be happening. I decided to head over to the guest room and wake Jordan up. He was pretty foggy at first but knew that I meant business when I couldn't talk through them at all.

4:45 am

I called the birth center. I wanted so badly to wait until actual daytime hours but I was afraid that this kid would come much faster and they had told me to call when the contractions were 6-7 minutes apart since this was my second baby. (I seriously know at least four people who have had their second babies in the car or at home in the past year and a half because they came so fast, so I was NOT taking any chances!) At this point the contractions were 5-6 minutes apart and lasting around a minute each. They told me to come in and I would see a new midwife whose name I didn't recognize. Jordan called my parents and asked if they could come over to be with Judah and they came right over. Yay for parents who are only 15 minutes away!

5:30 am

Having contractions in the car was no fun. Thankfully we live less than 10 minutes away from the birth center. The new midwife (whose name I frustratingly can't remember) was super nice and didn't make me feel badly at all about it being so early. She checked me and the baby and I was disappointed to find out I was only 4 cm dilated and 60% effaced. BUT, the baby was in a good position which was encouraging to me after how it was with Judah. I had back labor again, but his  head was actually engaged and ready, so that was a relief to know. She told us that a room was ready if I wanted to hang out there without actually being admitted. The tub was extremely tempting, but we decided to go back home.

6:30 am

We got home and turned on a 30 for 30 documentary to distract me (the one about the Magic team with Shaq. I love Shaq.) Jordan dozed off and I continued to sway through contractions and eat.

If you read my advice to myself for labor I knew I should eat well and try to rest as much as I could to help me later on. I ate lightly all throughout the day -- toast with peanut butter, bananas, smoothies, a sandwich. I also drank a LOT of water.

It was good to see Judah when he woke up, but my mom stayed to play with him while I retreated to our bedroom to try to rest. The contractions slowed WAY down at this point. This was both frustrating and helpful -- I wasn't progressing like I wanted, but I was also able to kind of rest. I mean, they were still difficult to get through, but I tried to conserve my energy as much as possible. I remember thinking maybe I'll have him by lunchtime. That'd be nice. Nope.

The timing gets fuzzy here, but Jordan's parents came at some point in the middle of the day. Just like last time, I was SO glad for them to be there for Jordan. Instead of him having to talk to me about being anxious or voicing any concerns, he was able to lean into them for that support. We've learned that Jordan gets really nervous when I'm in labor to the point where it physically affects him and he is sick on his stomach, poor guy. He was sweet to not convey this to me and to be strong, but he told me that it is really hard for him to see me in pain like that.

During labor at home

The next midwife on call, Margaret, called to check in on me. We had her for our first appointment this pregnancy which was the only one Jordan had gone to at the birth center. We had both loved her and that was encouraging to know she would be the one there when the time came. She told me to continue to rest and that sometimes things slow down for as much as a day before they kick into high gear and it's baby time. It helped to know that this was normal, but at the same time I was like noooo let's just do this thing.

5:00 pm

Sometime in the early evening Jordan and I took a walk. I thought I had been resting long enough and could NOT lay down through any more contractions. It was a cold, dreary day for May but I had to get outside since it wasn't raining at the moment. We walked through the neighborhood at a snail's pace, but I would power walk through contractions. We were still discussing names and testing out how they sounded. We were even throwing in some new ones, which was scaring me. Were we really this close to having our baby and didn't have a name? But at least it was something to talk about.

My sweet grandma brought dinner for everyone and my brother in law and sister in law arrived. I was glad to see them (and Judah LOVED it) but it also got me thinking that I needed to hurry up and have this kid. I didn't want everyone to have to wait around like last time. I took another shower for the hot water to soothe my back a little. I would've stayed in there forever if I could have.

We turned on another 30 for 30 about Jeremy Lin (so good) and ate dinner. I stayed in the room with them mostly and preferred for them to ignore me and continue talking when I had contractions. The contractions had been consistent again for a few hours, but they were still 6-7 minutes apart. I knew I wasn't at the end of labor, but I also knew my body had done a lot of work since that morning. TMI -- the urge to pee would NOT go away.

6:45 pm

I called Margaret. She said she was about to call me and tell me to come in and get checked before she left (they had just had a birth). I told her how things were going and she said that it didn't sound like I was ready to stay there and she would probably just give me some medication to help me sleep, and then hopefully I would wake up in crazy intense labor. Even though it wasn't what I wanted, it was good to have a plan.

So Jordan and I headed to the birth center again. And that's where Part 2 will pick up. :)

Arriving at the birth center

Labor and Delivery Tips for Myself

I put "to myself" in the title because that's the main reason I wanted to write this. Some things that were helpful to me last time are still pretty fresh in my mind and I want to remember them in May/June when it comes time to deliver baby #2!

EVERY pregnancy/labor/birth is different so this isn't a know-it-all list of precisely what will help. Just simply a list of what helped me last time. I've already been having some fears about the next go around and one of the main ones is that it could be completely different from my last experience and I'll freak out. Which it very well could be, but I can't think like that. It's a new challenge, a new opportunity to trust the Lord. Our Bible study leader said that months ago about something he was facing and it's something that's stuck with me ever since. When challenges arise they are opportunities to trust God in a new way.

With that being said, here is a list of what helped me when birthing my first child. Or things that I want to do differently this time. I cannot emphasize enough that these statements are directed toward myself. :)

• Take every opportunity in the labor process to sleep. Yes, it is exciting that you are in labor. But when you are on your 30th hour of hard labor you will need every minute of rest that you were able to fit in. 
• Eat nourishing food to fuel yourself up. 
• You have a lot of adrenaline going, but keep the environment calm. Turn on the Coldplay and light those candles.
• Take it one contraction at a time. Don't think big picture and get overwhelmed. God will give you the grace and the strength to get through the next contraction, and that's one more closer to being done.
• Don't fight the contractions. Let your body do what it needs to do. Your muscles are pushing the baby down and out. It's amazing, really. Let them do their job. Breathe through them and don't tense up. Keep your face relaxed and your voice tone low.
• Find what works for you. Walking, swaying, tub, shower, exercise ball, birthing stool. laying down, whatever. Counter pressure or none. Encouraging words or silence. Just do what works.
• When you throw up, that's a good sign. Things are happening.
• When it feels like it's the worst and you can't go any longer, you CAN. And this is potentially the turning point. You're near the finish line.
• Talk to the Lord, He is a very present help in time of need.
• You will know what the urge to push is when it comes.
• Listen to your body and your midwives. 
• When you can finally push, push with all your might when your midwife says so. Don't forget to breathe. Don't fear the pushing. The baby exit always sounds the worst, but you may not even remember it.
• Cherish your time with that new baby on your chest. It's surreal, but try to let it soak in.
• Let your husband take some pictures, your hands are shaking too much to do the picture taking!
• Don't be afraid of getting an IV of fluids, a shot, stitches, or anything like that. It's all in your head. You just pushed out a baby, you can handle these little things! Just look at your husband and talk to him. Look at your baby and focus on that.
• Take it easy on your body. The nurse is there to help you. Don't worry about getting blood anywhere, this isn't a hotel. They expect a mess!
• Accept all offers of food and help from your excited family. It is not a burden on them at all and they are loving it (even with no sleep). Don't worry about being a hostess.
• Take some time with your husband to reflect on what you just did. It's a lot to process and you  need some alone time with him.
• Eat, eat, eat! It will help you recover and breastfeed!

Judah's Birth Story -- Part 2

Judah William's Birth Story Part 2
You can read Part 1 here.
This is long. You've been warned again. :)
Sometime around 9pm on Saturday, 3/14/15, we headed to the birth center. Jordan and I went in first to make sure we were there to stay, but the rest of the family followed close behind. When I had talked to Luanne on the phone she asked me which one of the three birthing suites I wanted and I chose the one I had been in the most (in appointments and classes) because I was familiar with it. We were the only ones there so the whole place was all ours! Haha.

Luanne checked me and said I was 6-7cm dilated so we were there to stay! We brought all our stuff in and the family settled into the front waiting area to watch the ACC championship game and play cards. They seemed to have a jolly good time of which I'm glad especially since they were such troopers and stayed through the whole night. :)
I met the nurse/doula named Tracy who would be attending the birth with the midwife. Luanne was more of an all-business type and Tracy was the lovey-dovey-fuzzy-encouraging one so they really balanced each other out and made a great team. I was so thankful for them and felt as though they truly cared about us and the baby. For the first couple hours they let us be alone besides checking in to see if we needed anything and to monitor my blood pressure and Judah's heartbeat. They gave me a robe to put on, lit some candles, and filled the tub for me to labor in.

I continued with my swaying through contractions tactic mainly using the birthing ball on the bed as pictured. This ball had stuff in it so it wouldn't roll around which was nice. I tried to sit on it but didn't like that during contractions, it felt best to be standing. Laying down through a contraction was the WORST so I definitely wasn't doing that at all.

I didn't use a certain method or anything, but had done a good amount of reading about birth without medication and had taken the "Birth Out of Hospital" classes at the birth center. I knew that to let my body do what it needed to do, I needed to go with the flow and not fight the contractions. One thing I had learned was the cycle of fear/stress --> tension --> increased pain --> more fear --> more tension --> more pain, etc. It was truly the Lord who lessened my feelings of fear through Scripture, Jordan's encouragement, and a supernatural sense of peace. Whenever I felt myself tensing up through a contraction, I would keep swaying, control my breathing, and whisper "relax" over and over as I relaxed my muscles as much as I could.

When the tub was ready I was eager to get in and see if it helped with my back labor. It felt fantastic. The water temperature was just right (I was afraid they wouldn't let it be hot enough for my liking) and I was able to relax more and sip on Gatorade. Jordan pulled up my Spotify playlist of all Coldplay only Coldplay (my favorite band ever). I still swayed and moved through the contractions, but let the water hold my weight. It was cool how they could still monitor Judah's heartbeat regularly under the water with the doppler.

Many people had been asking if I was going to do a water birth. My response was usually, "We'll just have to see!" because I really didn't know. I didn't know how the tub would feel to me but kept an open mind without ruling it out. I knew that if being in the water helped and the baby started coming, I probably wouldn't want to hop outta the tub and dry off while fighting an urge to push. And it really helped us to see videos of water births at our classes. So I just kept it as an option and wanted to see how it would play out. I loved being in the water, but it seemed to be slowing my progress down as the contractions became a little further apart.

They suggested that I get out and walk for a while to really get things going. We walked around the birth center and went to talk to the family out front. They were so happy to see us and couldn't believe how cheerful I was to be that far along. Yeah, the contractions weren't fun or anything, but I was just so happy to be there and excited. The environment and Jordan were really keeping me calm and peaceful, and everything was still so manageable at this point.

Remember how Jordan was still fighting a stomach bug? And how he also has two herniated discs in his back and hasn't even been able to walk normally for months? The Lord totally answered our prayers with a yes and gave him the strength he needed. He took one of my Zofran pills (the last person to take one wasn't me! ha!) and was able to eat some food. I'm sure some of it was him being strong for my sake but I wouldn't have even noticed at the birth center that he felt badly or that his back hurt. He was SO positive and encouraging in just the right way, helping me in any way possible.

It seemed like time was going by so quickly. It's hard to remember what all we did during this time -- mainly just walking around, talking, and listening to Coldplay. I do remember that when she checked me again, I was 9cm and we were talking about how it probably wasn't possible for him to have a Pi Day birthday (3/14) anymore because it was getting close to midnight. But we thought it'd be REALLY soon.

And then 5.5 hours later he was born. The end.

........just kidding. :) This is the not as pleasant part that Jordan doesn't like to revisit in his mind. (I've been getting him to help me remember stuff.) And I can't come close to remembering it all because it's such a blur. But I'll try.

After that last time before midnight I never looked at the clock again. I had no sense of time at all. I didn't want to know how long it was taking. But at this point my body was completely ready -- fully dilated, cervix thinned, all systems go -- but little Judah was not. He was cozy right where he was and didn't want to budge. 

That whole posterior, head tilted and not down thing was still fully in effect. My water wasn't breaking and I had no urge to push whatsoever. So this was a weird time for me. The whole time I had a goal to reach -- get to 10 cm! And now that I was at 10 cm, what was I supposed to do? Keep having contractions that were continuing to increase in intensity and were one on top of another forever? I remember thinking to myself, "This could never end. He may just stay in there. How long could he stay in there?" and then also thinking, "What actually IS an urge to push? Am I having them and not knowing it? That seems ridiculous...an URGE is something that you definitely feel. What if I don't want to feel it? I'm really scared to push. I'm REALLY scared to tear. Maybe I should just not do this."

I could feel the fear coming on and I didn't want it to. Not one bit. So I asked if I could get back in the water. They suggested a shower, and the shower had a separate sprayer thing that Jordan could point at the exact spot on my back where all the pressure was. I thought this sounded excellent. It was a walk in shower area next to the where the toilet was. (Let me just mention that the toilet seat was heated. Heavenly.)

Jordan put on his bathing suit and helped me into the shower. Those two bars that you see in the picture were perfect for me to lean on and let Jordan spray my back. Ohhh man my back. The pressure in my lower back was so intense and concentrated, it covered an area about the size of a softball. Not at all what I imagined labor to be like. I think we were in there quite a while. I was SO SLEEPY. Couldn't hold my eyes open. I was trying to stay fueled with food and hydrated with water and Gatorade, but then I threw up. I knew this was a good sign that things were still happening, but here's what was going on.

• Judah still wasn't moving down at all.
• My water wasn't breaking.
• I was still having no urge to push.
• It was starting to take too long, especially since I was already completely dilated.
• My blood pressure was getting too high.
• With two nights of no sleep I was extremely tired.
• Since I had mainly been up and at 'em the whole time we were there and was throwing up, I had no energy. They tried to get me to do some squats in the shower while holding onto the bar, but I could NOT do it.

Throughout all this, Judah's heartbeat was fine, praise the Lord. But I know that my high blood pressure was disconcerting to them. They kept checking it and giving each other a look of "not good". They weren't saying that to me but I could tell that it wasn't good. And I was desperately wanting to know what I needed to do to get to the point of getting him out. So Luanne said that she thought it was time for her to break my water and for them to give me an IV of fluids for energy. I whined to Jordan (in slurred, sleepy language) that I didn't want an IV, but I didn't even remember them putting it in. (I didn't want it because I'm scared of even getting my finger pricked and am prone to fainting.) I absolutely needed it though especially for what they were about to make me do.
When she broke my water (this was uncomfortable, but again, I was in a fog) she felt Judah and said that we need to do some different things to get him to move. She told me that if I didn't, we'd have to start talking about going to the hospital. I should mention that in that moment in my head I was absolutely certain that I'd be transferred and have a c-section and I was okay with that. I was thinking, "He's not coming out. He needs to come out. They can cut him out. That is fine." I didn't think that anything I could do would get him in a better spot. Especially when they told me it was time to do some lunges. Yes, lunges. I told them I couldn't. They told me I had to. Well, Luanne told me I had to. Tracy told me I was beautiful and wonderful and capable and to let my body do it. I thought she was going to break out in song. She was like a Disney princess nurse.
It was at this time that I told them if only I could go to bed and try again tomorrow I thought I could do it. 
Since this was not an option, I remember telling Jordan that he needed to tell me I could do it. He did. He was awesome. He encouraged me (but not too much to where it sounded fake), he read my Scripture cards to me, he rubbed my back when I needed it. And when he rubbed my back he did slow circles around where the pressure was. I remember Luanne stepping in to actually push hard on my back to try to relieve it with counter pressure, and it did NOT feel good. All I could do was mutter, "no". Haha. Jordan's way was the best. 
So somehow, I did what they said and leaned on the birthing ball on the bed, put one leg up on the bed, and did angled lunges. This is the last thing I imagined myself doing while giving birth. I mean seriously, in no way did I associate Jillian Michaels exercises with having this baby. But at least she wasn't there yelling at me or telling me how she could use another good chest fly in her life.
I had wondered beforehand whether I'd be one to yell or grunt or get angry when it came down to it. It was at this time that my noise level did increase, but my speech was very limited as I was just so physically out of it. Throughout the night I had been softly moaning in low tones during contractions, but now they were much louder. This was also when I started repeating, "Help me, God," and, "the Lord is my helper," over and over. I could NOT continue in my own strength that was for sure. 
During the lunges they tried a TENS unit on my back which is electrical nerve stimulation. Basically they placed electrodes on my back that buzzed and shocked me to distract from the pain. It helped very slightly for a few minutes but wasn't so great for me. Then Tracy wrapped a rebozo wrap around my middle and used it to squeeze my hips for counter pressure. That actually did help more throughout the lunges. It also helped me to count through them mentally and time my counting with my breathing.
I had no idea if I was making any progress, had no pushing urges, and was still mentally set on a transfer. When what seemed like a long time had gone by (I have no idea), after each contraction and set of lunges I would tell them that I didn't think I could do another one. Or at least I would try to tell them that, I was hardly speaking English at this point. It probably sounded like, "Mm back.....can't do 'nother.....can't do it....God help...." and so forth. Luanne told me, "Because you're saying you can't do it I know you're near the end!" which I thought was pure ridiculousness but kept going anyway.
Meanwhile Chris Martin was still singing loud and clear. There are only a few Coldplay songs that I would rather not hear and I hadn't taken them off my playlist. So I remember being in the heat of all this and when one of them came on, I pointed to my phone and said, "Song!" which translated from labor talk to English means, "Jordan, will you please change it to the next song?" He was definitely skilled in the art of this translation.
Finally they told me I could stop lunging. I don't know if they just wanted to try something else or if they were afraid I would start falling over from exhaustion. But they told me to lay down on the bed on my side which was the LAST thing I wanted to do. I hated doing that with the manageable contractions, much less these intense ones. I kept telling myself, "Luanne knows what she's doing. She's done this for 30 years and a thousand times. Do what she says." So I did. I laid on my left side with my bottom, left leg straight as they put what felt like 24 pillows in between my legs and bent my right leg forward. That probably doesn't make sense, it barely even makes sense to me but I was in mental crazytown and kept my eyes closed so I don't know. Jordan laid to my left to face me and continued to encourage me.
Again, it could have been minutes, hours, days, in this position, I have no clue. But eventually after more contractions and more "help me, Lord"s I felt a new sensation in the baby exit region. "I think I'm feeling something!!" I told them. They probably had to resist the urge to pop champagne right then and there but there was still a baby to push out. So they situated me on my back and put my left knee in my left hand. Tracy handed Jordan a juice box to make me drink and I gulped it down pretty quickly.
It was then that the feelings of fear started to come back. I was shocked that we actually made it to this point and that I was going to have to push. I thought they might give me some coaching on pushing before I had to do it for real, but nope. They told me to let them know when the next contraction started and they would tell me when to push. "What??" I thought to myself, "I don't know how to push. Maybe I just won't tell them when the contraction comes. I'll just pretend it's not happening." As you can imagine, I couldn't do that. It was pretty clear when the contraction came.  Luanne told me to take a deep breath and push. I breathed in and pushed as hard as I could until she told me to let out my breath. Again, and again. She said she wanted me to do it three times each contraction. The next contraction I did the same thing, only she never actually said when to let out my breath and so I held it as long as I could. The next time this happened Jordan said, "BREATHE!!" and I did. He later told me that he thought my ears were going to pop off or that my head would explode and yes, that's exactly what it felt like. I told them that I needed them to tell me when to breathe, otherwise I would keep holding it. I guess they were focused on the baby coming out because this happened a few more times, luckily my head and ears stayed in tact.
Now this might sound really weird, and I don't even know how to explain it. But to keep pushing as hard as I could and especially when I started to feel the pressure of his head, I had to mentally remove myself from the present situation. I guess this was one of those out-of-body experience type things. I had heard that it helps to picture meeting your baby but when I did that it brought me back to the fact that he needed to come out and it was up to me. So in my mind, I was with Jordan dancing at our wedding, I was at the beach with family, I was NOT on that bed pushing out a baby. And then I don't remember where in the world I was mentally because Jordan said I kept softly repeating, "It's just me and You, God," over and over. Where was I with God? No clue. But I am eternally grateful for Him being with me.
Throughout the pregnancy one of our songs for Judah was Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay (of course). When Judah was close, Jordan turned it to this song so I could hear it and it could be his birth song. This was so special and now I can't hear the song without tears in my eyes.
I asked them if I could hold my other knee because it was really helping to brace myself, so they helped me do that. Judah's head was RIGHT there which was the craziest feeling. My feet were kicking as I was trying not to push when I wasn't supposed to and trying to go at the pace she wanted me to (to avoid lots of tearing). Jordan seemed to be getting really emotional and kept saying, "You're doing it, babe, you're doing it! It's happening! He's coming! I'm so proud of you, you're doing it!" which was music to my ears. 
Every push I gave 100%. We had worked so hard to get him at that spot, so since he was finally there I wanted him OUT. It took five contractions, three pushes each, and then I felt the strongest feeling of relief ever as Judah came out at 5:07am. I opened my eyes as he made a couple tiny "eeh!" sounds when they placed him on my chest. It was hard to find words, but Jordan accidentally filmed this part with the phone laying on the bed so here are some direct quotes.
"Hi....you're here....you made it....I can't believe it....hi....it happened....thank, You, Lord....hi, Judah....hi, buddy....is he cute?"
"Yes, he's very cute." -- Jordan
"Hi, buddy....you're in the world now...thank you for coming out....you're here and I love you...hi, buddy..."
Jordan got to hold him a little bit as I delivered the placenta, and somehow I took some pictures with my phone as my arm was shaking like crazy. They also gave me a shot of something as I was losing a good amount of blood, but it's hard to remember.

After Jordan held him for a minute, he gave him back to me to breastfeed and Judah latched right on. He was so alert and calm. He seemed legitimately happy to be out of the womb and with us, of which I was glad. 
People have asked if I felt an overwhelming love as soon as they placed Judah on my chest. I loved him, yes, but I love him so much more each day. At that time I think the main feelings were relief and thankfulness. And I was just in shock.
It's hard to remember the order of events after this, but I know that when my mom and mother-in-law heard that first little cry from down the hall, they came sprinting to our door and waited outside of it. Such grandmas they are. :) Before I had started pushing I told Tracy to go tell them all to pray. They had been praying for me and thought that it could possibly take another hour or so after that, so they were shocked when they heard that cry right after they finished praying! So after I fed him, the family came in to meet him. They had been eager to find out his name, so I waited until they were all in the room and said, "This is Judah William Shelley!" They cheered and were so happy and full of love.  One special moment that I'll never forget was my dad coming over to me, holding my hand, kissing my cheek, and saying, "You're so brave, I'm SO proud of you," with tears in his eyes.

They left the room after a few minutes of time with Judah so Luanne could stitch me up. Remember my huge fear of tearing? It happened, and I still don't know how many stitches I got, but I didn't even feel the actual tearing. People had told me that it could be like that, and I didn't believe them (I'm talking about you, Sydney!) but they were right. Maybe if I would have had an easier time leading up to the pushing it would have been worse, but the end happened so fast and there was so much going on with my body that I didn't even feel it. 

I did feel the stitching up part though. Ouch. One of my least favorite parts for sure.

They helped me into a wonderfully warm shower and Jordan spent some time with Judah. I think after I got out was when they weighed and measured him. 6 lbs. 10 oz., 20.5 inches long. The cutest little guy ever.

We were both ravenous and Jordan was feeling like he could actually eat some food and keep it down, so my parents went and got us some McDonald's sausage and egg biscuits and orange juice. YUM. One amazing thing about the birth was that when Judah and placenta left my body, my hyperemesis also left immediately! I felt a huge difference right away and didn't have to think twice about eating that biscuit. Even though my sickness was much worse through the first half of pregnancy, I hadn't realized how badly I had still been feeling until it was gone. Praise the Lord!

Jordan's side of the family went back to our house to get some sleep. We said our goodbyes and thank yous to Luanne and Tracy as a new nurse Kara came in to take care of us. My parents stayed at the birth center for a while which was nice because my mom held Judah while Jordan and I took an amazing nap. I don't know if I've ever been so confused when I woke up. Where am I....what's going on....I'm still so tired....there's a baby....it's my baby. Woah.

After I woke up I fed him again and my parents headed back to their house. Jordan's mom came back to the birth center and helped get Judah cleaned up and dressed for the first time. We started the discharge process as Kara made sure I was good to go, checking up on my body and answering all my questions, giving lots of instructions. She was amazing, too. We really had the most wonderful team throughout this whole time.

Jordan put him in his car seat and we went home sometime around 11:45am. It was a beautiful day for a birthday. I had been a little apprehensive about leaving the birth center so soon, but it was really great. I felt like I had just the right amount of time there. We got to rest at home with lots of help from both sides of our family. They made a huge, delicious meal and we had a birthday party for Judah out on our deck. That evening I kept thinking how weird it was that I had birthed a baby earlier that morning.

What a weekend. It is still so surreal to think that it all actually happened. It was SO not my strength, but the Lord's strength in me. That's the only way I can explain it. I cried out to Him for help, and He absolutely helped me. 

"Out of my distress I called on the Lord;

the Lord answered me and set me free."

-- Psalm 118:5

All glory, honor, and praise be to the Lord. Most of all for redeeming us through His Son Jesus and for giving us new life. The name Judah means "praise", and our prayer is that his life will be a sacrifice of praise to Him.

 

Judah's Birth Story -- Part 1

Judah William's Birth Story Part 1 This is probably going to be long and drawn out, but there's really no other way for me to tell it. You've been warned. :) Thursday, 3/12/15 I had my 38 week check-up with the midwife and it took what seemed like forEVER for her to find a heartbeat. I surprisingly didn't freak out until after the appointment when it hit me that I had been really scared in those moments. But the reason was that he had turned posterior (he was facing out with his limbs at the surface) so his arms and legs were blocking easy access to the heartbeat. This was definitely not the preferred position for a smooth labor and delivery, so she told me a few things to do to try to get him to turn, like getting on all fours regularly throughout the day.  She could feel his head easily and that is wasn't as low as it was before. She said he wasn't down and ready and seemed to think that we had a good amount of time. (Hence my thinking that it would be April before he was born!) She told me to take a couple Evening Primrose Oil pills a day to "ripen the cervix" (yeah I know, that sounds weird). I took one that night and the next morning and I would totally attest to them being magical if I knew what state my cervix had been in prior to that, but alas, I do not. So I don't know if my cervix was just super ready to go all by itself or what...but I'll get to that. I remember being kinda an emotional mess that day, and Jordan was still on the tail end of a bad stomach bug, so we had a cozy night in with grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup. I leaned on the birthing ball a lot and tried to be on all fours quite a bit. 

My last bump pic taken after my midwife appointment

Friday, 3/13/15 I had an early morning new parent meeting at the pediatrician's office to see if that's the one we wanted to go with. Good thing I liked them and we felt peace about it, we chose them just in time. :) It's the pediatrician I've gone to my whole life, and I say "have gone to" instead of "went to" because the last time I went to the doctor (besides the OBGYN) I went there. As an adult. Yeah....embarrassing. They laughed when they saw I was still in the system.  I should've known something was weird that day because I went home and watched the movie Twilight while I did some exercises and stretching. I have never had a desire to watch that ever. I started the first book once but lost interest about halfway through. But for some reason when I logged into Netflix and it was one of the first things on there, I chose it. So weird. But I was on all fours for most of the movie. I say this to point out that I really did do what she told me to do and gave it my best shot, haha. (Spoiler alert: I failed.) I did a lot of things around the house and took a good nap (I was more tired those last couple weeks than any other time in pregnancy besides my worst sickness times). We were supposed to go on a little date to see Cinderella that night. We were planning on doing so many things that weekend....but I'm not complaining that we didn't get to. :) Anywayyy, around 6pm, I went to the bathroom and started bleeding. It was a good amount more than they said "bloody show" would be and continued for a couple minutes or so. That was a WEIRD feeling. I sat there for a minute praying and saying to myself, "Don't freak out. Don't freak out." I didn't know whether to call the midwife or Jordan first. I also didn't know if this was something bad or good and didn't want to think too much about it, just wanted to act. I decided to call Jordan and said, "Hey...don't freak out but something's happening. I'm bleeding." (I think I said "don't freak out" approximately 87 times that day to multiple people but mainly to myself.) He was very calm (when is Jordan not calm) and said to call the midwife and that he would leave work. One of the three midwives who work at the birth center, Jewel, was still there and said to come on in to be checked before she left for the day. We live 6-7 minutes away which was SO nice throughout this process. Jordan's friend Eric lifts weights in our garage a lot and was at our house, so I thought he might have to be the one to take me which would've been interesting. But Jordan got there right after I gathered my things and prepared to leave. We took the baby bag too, not knowing what we'd be told or what would happen! A wonderful thing about the birthing center is that for all my appointments and everything I just parked and walked right in to be checked. No parking decks, no long walk or elevators, no check-in, hardly ever any waiting, no "let me see your insurance card again", nothing. Just, "Hey, Ashley!" from any of the midwives or staff and then right to it. SO GREAT. I totally understand why people have those feelings of not wanting go in too soon or be sent home, and this aspect of it really helped with that because it just didn't seem like a big deal to go in. Jewel checked me and immediately said, "Wow, your cervix is completely thinned out and you're 1-2cm dilated. You're in early labor!" Jordan was in there too and we looked at each other like WHAT. She said I'd probably end up back at the birth center to stay in the next 24 hours, so to go home and rest and eat. She actually said to have a glass of wine and take a bath to relax, haha. (I didn't. I chose sparkling grape juice and played Bingo on my iPad instead. Pretty sure I killed it in Bingo that night.) She told me to call as soon as contractions started, since I was already effaced it could go fast. We listened to his heartbeat and she measured me, commenting on how he'd be a little guy. (So weird that this was Judah in there the whole time. SO weird.)

Celebrating being in labor!

We left, prayed, and called our parents to tell them it would probably be that weekend. They were surprisingly calm or were at least putting on that front, haha. We picked up food at ChickFilA, but Jordan couldn't really eat because he was still getting over the stomach bug. (Great timing, right?) When we got home I ate, took a shower, and made sure I had everything ready to go if need be. I thought I was having some sensations that felt a little stronger than Braxton Hicks, but I wouldn't even call them cramps. (My monthly crazy cramps that put me out of commission and made me throw up set the bar high when it came to pain in that area.) Jordan was SUPER restless and going around cleaning and disinfecting everything in case there were germs from his bug, getting the guest rooms ready for people to stay with us, and he even put together a bed. I was spending even more time on all fours, praying the baby would turn around. It was tough to go to sleep that night because we were both pretty hyped up and just anxious to see what would happen. I had been sleeping in the guest room due to his germs and my general largeness so we went our separate ways for the night. And of course, as soon I was finally dozing off around 12:30 am, I had my first oh I think THIS may be a contraction moment. It was a sensation that started in my back and wrapped around my belly like a slight cramp. They weren't very painful, but enough to make me not be able to sleep because I was thinking about it and excited. I laid there dozing between the cramping and kept thinking about how Jewel said to call her as soon as they started.  I went and joined Jordan in bed to tell him what was going on. At this point I still wasn't positive they were contractions (they definitely were), so we waited until they were more regular to call. I was kinda confused because most of the feeling was in my back. Meanwhile, poor Jordan was still feeling badly and threw up a couple times. Delightful.
Saturday, 3/14/15 At 4:48am I called Jewel. Well, I called the answering service who forwarded me to Jewel. The answering lady asked me a few questions and sorta made me feel like I shouldn't be calling. Before she forwarded the call she said, "So, is this an emergency?" and I replied (probably in an annoyed tone, sorry lady), "I don't know but I'm just doing what the person I'm trying to call told me to do!!!" anddd she then dialed Jewel, haha. The contractions had been about 6 minutes apart, but were back to 10-12 minutes. She said she was on call until 7am and would prepare and be ready to meet me at the birth center if they became closer together again regularly. She told me to call back if that happened and gave me her cell number, but that she would forward the info on to the next midwife on call, Luanne. 

Jordan's ohmywordthisishappening face early in the morning

I got ready for the day and tried to do some normal things to distract myself. Luanne called and wanted us to meet her at the birth center at 8:30 to be checked again. I was happy to have another checkpoint even if the contractions weren't consistent. When she checked me I was 3cm dilated, so the contractions were definitely doing something even though it wasn't super fast. She was excited and confident she would be the one attending our birth. They had some classes and tours to do and said to let her know if things changed and come back at 2pm (since we live so close) before she left for the day, just in case we should stay then.

Filling out Judah's birth certificate paperwork

We went home to rest and eat, and I think I was able to get some sleep at this point. It's hard to remember. We started contacting people to let them know it looked like it'd be that weekend. Our siblings came in from Chapel Hill and Charlotte, and Jordan's parents were going to leave Greensboro after his dad (a pastor) finished a funeral. I mainly labored at home -- sitting or leaning on the birthing ball (just your standard exercise ball, nothing special), walking around, leaning on whatever surface was close by and swaying through contractions. Since that morning all feeling in the front was gone -- it was completely back labor. If it was still wrapping around to the front I didn't feel it because it was SO concentrated in my lower back. I wanted to walk outside but it was a super dreary and rainy day, so we went to the Harris Teeter by the birthing center to walk around. Jordan has a pretty funny video of me swaying through contractions in the aisles. At the 2pm check, I was 4cm dilated. I was nervous that I'd still be at 3, so that was encouraging. I was making progress with contractions that were extremely manageable in my opinion. She sent me home to continue until I couldn't talk through contractions and they were consistently 5 minutes apart. We went back to our house to hang out with the siblings. This was such a fun part of the day -- being with family, watching Parks & Rec, just hanging out like nothing was happening. Well...for the most part. I could tell they were a little nervous (when I say they I mean JOSEPH haha) especially when I would pause and sway through a contraction. I preferred them to carry on talking but most times they couldn't help but stop completely and wait for me/sit there nervously. They left to get food and brought me back a Frosty, then Jordan and Joe kindly went to go get me some crazy bread from Little Caesar's which was the only thing I could think of that I wanted. I'm pretty sure it's because I had recently gone back and read Megan Tree's birth story and she ate crazy bread while in labor and that stuck in my mind, hahaha. That wasn't all that I ate that night because I was trying to fuel up, but I NEEDED that crazy bread. At some point during this time Jordan and I had a little break down because he was still feeling so badly and I felt so bad for him. He was worried that he wouldn't be able to be strong for me at the time I needed it most and that he wouldn't be himself for the birth. We spent some time alone praying that God would give us the perfect amount of strength that would be needed for what was ahead. We knew we couldn't do it through our own ability.  Blake joined us and then both sets of parents got there which made it feel like woah, this is happening. I was so happy for Jordan to be able to have support from our parents, it was exactly what he needed. Shortly after arriving, I had a few contractions in front of my mom and mother-in-law and they both were like, Ashley, CALL the woman. I kept thinking they would get worse and spread all over my abdomen and not just my back, but that never happened. I called and she tried to make me talk through a contraction on the phone, but I couldn't really do it. So off we went! You can read Part 2 here.

Welcome, Judah William!

Judah William Shelley

March 15, 2015
5:07 am
6 lbs. 10 oz.
20.5 in. long

We are praising the Lord for the gift of our son!